Well good news all round, It turns out you dont need to have a kidney to have a kidney stone! Due to lack of kidney there isnt any chance of it passing naturally but thankfully Holger should be fine after he sees a urologist and they remove it, the down side being a public patient the wait is about 6 months (but he is on the cancellation list). And if it reaches acute agonising pain at any point we just rush him to the ER and they do it then.
Jai went to the Developmental Paed yesterday who is thrilled to peices with his progress and said that he now feels comfortable Mainstreaming Jai (last visit he wasnt keen)and that he doesnt feel the need to see Jai for another year unless something comes up!
We have also now been discharged from the speech therapist as Jai has improved so much she feels he will only need speech through the school next year and not privatly! So all up Jai is doing great :)
Lachie has had a total transformation since we cut dairy from his diet, he poo's normally, his skin is clearing up and even his behaviour seems better - a BIG THANK YOU! to Nancy, who kind of made me click on the lactose intolorance thing after mentioning her issues with Eric.
Lachie is also now toilet traing - only 1 accident in 5 days!!! YAY! I was dreading having two in nappies again!
I Have a camera again!! Thanks to mum who upgraded hers she passed her old one on to me, its a nice one too and not very old (my parents are technology junkies). So i promise to post photos really soon!!
Time is absolutely flying by, there is only 1 and a half weeks of school left and then its the Christmas Holidays! For you non Aussie's thats our long summer break, so no more school until February. I am excited to have the kids home, but kind of dreading it at the same time, i have a very small house LOL!
I hope everyone over in the USA had a great thanksgiving and are enjoying the lead up to Christmas :) Oh and i have a bunch of Christmas cards here all ready to post to my bloggy friends and no addresses in which to send them!
So if you guys dont mind, please send your addresses to my E-mail kt_moritz@yahoo.com.au - so i can send them off :)
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Secret Keeper.
I seem to be the holder of alot of friends secrets at the moment, such things dont usually bother me or burden me, touch wood nobody has ever asked me to help them bury a body yet and i can generally distance myself from their problems in my own life.
Tomorrow marks 5yrs since Jaiden was born. Its a milestone that i have been finding kinda hard to swallow and although mostly keeping that to myself the darker places of my mind are finding it easier to shadow my every move at the moment.
My problems with Jai at their current stage are so ridiculously tiny in comparison to those of my friends, who are in trouble with the law, have marriages on the verge of divorce, secret affairs, various mental illness and now the secret that my huband has asked me to keep.
News that my Husband, who after not going to the doctor about various issues, finally went and had a routine Kidney ultrasound (he was born with one Kidney) to discover present kidney is perfect, but there is a seemingly strange, measurable "lump" where kidney #2 should have been. The u/s tech apparently had a frown upon her face and politely said to Holger, "i just want to check something with the doctor" who promptly appeared in the room followed by someone else higher up the food chain, they then had a disagreement as to weather or not this lump was some kind of kidney stone dispite the lack of kidney, and then as to weather it was localised to the prostate. They then took an X ray to determine which and told him to pick up the films tomorrow and go back to the GP. Well.
There is nothing like being told 1/2 a story, so the x ray will tell us which he says to Holger, promptly does said Xray and then doesnt say anything else to Holger. This leaves my wandering mind thinking A.) Its good news so there for routine and not worth mentioning or B.) Tech's arnt trained to give bad news so there for off you go to the GP to get it.
The thing that has Him and me worried right now is that less than a week ago, his dad had a routine blood test that showed he has some antigen that means his prostate is enlarged and he has to have furthur tests to determine weather its cancer or not.
Holger is only 30 and from what i can see, prostate cancer is vertually unheard of in under 40yr olds. Holger said when he picks up the report tomorrow that he doesnt want to open it till the next day, because tomorrow is Jaidens birthday party and he doesnt want anything to ruin it, while i understand that, i am going to be more of a wreck staring at the bloody thing and not opening it. Holger said not to tell anyone, and i had to get it off my chest to someone so sorry for the rambling. Im just at "full secret capasity" right now and i know two people recently diagnosed with cancer and that damn things always happen in 3s rule keeps coming to mind, and with both Holger and his father to worry about i just dont want to think about it.
Its 12:08am.
Happy birthday Jaiden. I will try and forget this now and go and ice your cupcakes to take to pre-school tomorrow.
Tomorrow marks 5yrs since Jaiden was born. Its a milestone that i have been finding kinda hard to swallow and although mostly keeping that to myself the darker places of my mind are finding it easier to shadow my every move at the moment.
My problems with Jai at their current stage are so ridiculously tiny in comparison to those of my friends, who are in trouble with the law, have marriages on the verge of divorce, secret affairs, various mental illness and now the secret that my huband has asked me to keep.
News that my Husband, who after not going to the doctor about various issues, finally went and had a routine Kidney ultrasound (he was born with one Kidney) to discover present kidney is perfect, but there is a seemingly strange, measurable "lump" where kidney #2 should have been. The u/s tech apparently had a frown upon her face and politely said to Holger, "i just want to check something with the doctor" who promptly appeared in the room followed by someone else higher up the food chain, they then had a disagreement as to weather or not this lump was some kind of kidney stone dispite the lack of kidney, and then as to weather it was localised to the prostate. They then took an X ray to determine which and told him to pick up the films tomorrow and go back to the GP. Well.
There is nothing like being told 1/2 a story, so the x ray will tell us which he says to Holger, promptly does said Xray and then doesnt say anything else to Holger. This leaves my wandering mind thinking A.) Its good news so there for routine and not worth mentioning or B.) Tech's arnt trained to give bad news so there for off you go to the GP to get it.
The thing that has Him and me worried right now is that less than a week ago, his dad had a routine blood test that showed he has some antigen that means his prostate is enlarged and he has to have furthur tests to determine weather its cancer or not.
Holger is only 30 and from what i can see, prostate cancer is vertually unheard of in under 40yr olds. Holger said when he picks up the report tomorrow that he doesnt want to open it till the next day, because tomorrow is Jaidens birthday party and he doesnt want anything to ruin it, while i understand that, i am going to be more of a wreck staring at the bloody thing and not opening it. Holger said not to tell anyone, and i had to get it off my chest to someone so sorry for the rambling. Im just at "full secret capasity" right now and i know two people recently diagnosed with cancer and that damn things always happen in 3s rule keeps coming to mind, and with both Holger and his father to worry about i just dont want to think about it.
Its 12:08am.
Happy birthday Jaiden. I will try and forget this now and go and ice your cupcakes to take to pre-school tomorrow.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
ramblings
I was thrown off guard when the other day at work i realised for the first time that i am truley an adult. Ok in theory i have been aware of this for sometime now, but in many ways it till hadnt sunk in. In my mind i was still a 15yr old kid, sneaking out the window and running around the streets at midnight with friends, building hideouts in the bush, and singing "sweet home alabama" til 3am at the top of my lungs with accoustic accompaniment on my best mates back verandah...
Fast forward...
I dont quite know what happened to all those years in the middle but suddenly i find myself with a "Mrs" in front of my name a mortgage to pay, bills that pile up and 3 children. My Children.
In some ways, i have succeeded. In Nature, i am a success, i was born and now i have procreated, someday i will die. Thats all that really matters in nature, as far as humans go though it starts to get alot more complicated, perhaps things would have been easier if i were an insect, i could just wrap myself in a cocoon for awhile and emerge a beautiful butterfly, instead in this world when i settle into my cacoon for too long all i can hope to emerge as, is a dusty-one-winged-moth, flayling clumsily around a light bulb dreaming that its the moon.
The realisation that i am infact an adult came in an unlikely place, the staff room at work to be exact, i was settling down to a slightly cold Big Mac and glanced over the papers on the table. I came accross the resume of the newest staff member and almost spat my coke accross the table,
Name: Rhiannon DOB: 1994.
Wha??? 1994?? People born in 1994 are WORKING now?? what is this CHILD SLAVERY???
after a quick calculation i deduced that the girl was 14yrs old and really, she was quite legally allowed to work as a casual. You see i remember 1994 as if it were yesterday. this girl was 6yrs old when i STARTED working at the pet shop. i HAVE a 6yr old child. The time i have been at the shop has flown by so fast i dont know if i blinked. I am STILL at a PET SHOP. Oh My God.
the circle of life was thrown carelessly, rudely and directly infront of me.
I am aging, those care free days are over and there is nothing i can do about it.
When i make a list of the things that have happened around me since the turn of the centuary i am rather shocked by its length, hang on a minute.. What happened to Y2K?
Who'd have thought 9yrs ago that i would be married, own a house, have a child with a "developmental delay", have a child in school, have a toddler, be pregnant.
My life is full of pediatrician appointments, paying bills, therepy appointments, grocery shopping, shoe shopping, cooking, cleaning, reading stories, sick people. The older i get the more sick people i know, cancer, disease, genetic syndromes. I am living an adult life, but surely i am only playing house. In my mind i am still 15yrs old still i will dream of being on the road the wind in my hair touring with the band where the biggest fear is not whether my son will have a fatal heart arrythmia in his sleep, but being caught underage drinking.
I think the other realisation that comes from this is, what next? the next 9yrs are going to be pretty much the same as today, children, school, bills, appointments. Is that all there is? I say to my friend today that in 15yrs the boys will all be driving and then i can trade in the tarago back to a sedan, but as those words escape my lips a sadness leaks into my mind, will Jaiden be driving? Will he always be living at home? Will he get to experience that same independence that i dont doubt Liam and Lachlan will? I push those thoughts deep to the back and try not to think about it. I am lucky, i have a good chance at seeing his development continue to improve, a good chance he will be perfectly'ok'. Many others dont have that chance, and i am greatful for that oppertunity.
Pause for a minute and part of me wonders why the blood collection form sent by the genetics department is lying dormant in my handbag. After the appointment gave me a sense of peace and security i got a phone call on my cell, out of the blue stating that they would like to do a few more tests after all and they would post out the form. They did. I got it. Normally i would have run straight down to the hospital and had his blood drawn in a ray of hope that maybe it would shed some light on the mysteriousness that is Jai. I think im over it. I want to know but i dont, that energy has been zapped from me.
I must go off to bed now, my hand is stinging from the damn burn and typing left handed is a frustrating task. I leave you with an important message:
When you are boiling water and you drop the saucepan lid -DO NOT try to catch the lid with the hand that is still holding the pan of boiling water. It hurts.
Fast forward...
I dont quite know what happened to all those years in the middle but suddenly i find myself with a "Mrs" in front of my name a mortgage to pay, bills that pile up and 3 children. My Children.
In some ways, i have succeeded. In Nature, i am a success, i was born and now i have procreated, someday i will die. Thats all that really matters in nature, as far as humans go though it starts to get alot more complicated, perhaps things would have been easier if i were an insect, i could just wrap myself in a cocoon for awhile and emerge a beautiful butterfly, instead in this world when i settle into my cacoon for too long all i can hope to emerge as, is a dusty-one-winged-moth, flayling clumsily around a light bulb dreaming that its the moon.
The realisation that i am infact an adult came in an unlikely place, the staff room at work to be exact, i was settling down to a slightly cold Big Mac and glanced over the papers on the table. I came accross the resume of the newest staff member and almost spat my coke accross the table,
Name: Rhiannon DOB: 1994.
Wha??? 1994?? People born in 1994 are WORKING now?? what is this CHILD SLAVERY???
after a quick calculation i deduced that the girl was 14yrs old and really, she was quite legally allowed to work as a casual. You see i remember 1994 as if it were yesterday. this girl was 6yrs old when i STARTED working at the pet shop. i HAVE a 6yr old child. The time i have been at the shop has flown by so fast i dont know if i blinked. I am STILL at a PET SHOP. Oh My God.
the circle of life was thrown carelessly, rudely and directly infront of me.
I am aging, those care free days are over and there is nothing i can do about it.
When i make a list of the things that have happened around me since the turn of the centuary i am rather shocked by its length, hang on a minute.. What happened to Y2K?
Who'd have thought 9yrs ago that i would be married, own a house, have a child with a "developmental delay", have a child in school, have a toddler, be pregnant.
My life is full of pediatrician appointments, paying bills, therepy appointments, grocery shopping, shoe shopping, cooking, cleaning, reading stories, sick people. The older i get the more sick people i know, cancer, disease, genetic syndromes. I am living an adult life, but surely i am only playing house. In my mind i am still 15yrs old still i will dream of being on the road the wind in my hair touring with the band where the biggest fear is not whether my son will have a fatal heart arrythmia in his sleep, but being caught underage drinking.
I think the other realisation that comes from this is, what next? the next 9yrs are going to be pretty much the same as today, children, school, bills, appointments. Is that all there is? I say to my friend today that in 15yrs the boys will all be driving and then i can trade in the tarago back to a sedan, but as those words escape my lips a sadness leaks into my mind, will Jaiden be driving? Will he always be living at home? Will he get to experience that same independence that i dont doubt Liam and Lachlan will? I push those thoughts deep to the back and try not to think about it. I am lucky, i have a good chance at seeing his development continue to improve, a good chance he will be perfectly'ok'. Many others dont have that chance, and i am greatful for that oppertunity.
Pause for a minute and part of me wonders why the blood collection form sent by the genetics department is lying dormant in my handbag. After the appointment gave me a sense of peace and security i got a phone call on my cell, out of the blue stating that they would like to do a few more tests after all and they would post out the form. They did. I got it. Normally i would have run straight down to the hospital and had his blood drawn in a ray of hope that maybe it would shed some light on the mysteriousness that is Jai. I think im over it. I want to know but i dont, that energy has been zapped from me.
I must go off to bed now, my hand is stinging from the damn burn and typing left handed is a frustrating task. I leave you with an important message:
When you are boiling water and you drop the saucepan lid -DO NOT try to catch the lid with the hand that is still holding the pan of boiling water. It hurts.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Geneticist round 2
Wow i dont know where the time is going, but i cant seem to keep up with anything, especially blogging!!
Jai had a Genetics appointment with a diff geneticist and that was fairly un- eventful really, she said they have already checked the stuff she would have checked and that given that i am pregnant she would rather not do a "deeper chromosonal check" as its just likely to turn up something we cant name, cant fix and make me stress about this baby having it. Righto.
She was a lot more informal than the last guy, which i liked and told me that i am going to have to be the advocate for Jai as without an official diagnosis he will get approx 0 help from the school system, she said just keep persisting, keep checking up on the teachers, find out what he is ment to be learning and then work extra hard to make sure he learns it as he is not really the disruptive type his lack of understanding on a subject could go unnoticed for quite some time.
She said to wait until he turns 6 to do an official IQ type test, she said that the test is a degree more difficult at 6 and whilst this could show more delays than the one they do at 5, this is better for services down the track.
Jai had a Genetics appointment with a diff geneticist and that was fairly un- eventful really, she said they have already checked the stuff she would have checked and that given that i am pregnant she would rather not do a "deeper chromosonal check" as its just likely to turn up something we cant name, cant fix and make me stress about this baby having it. Righto.
She was a lot more informal than the last guy, which i liked and told me that i am going to have to be the advocate for Jai as without an official diagnosis he will get approx 0 help from the school system, she said just keep persisting, keep checking up on the teachers, find out what he is ment to be learning and then work extra hard to make sure he learns it as he is not really the disruptive type his lack of understanding on a subject could go unnoticed for quite some time.
She said to wait until he turns 6 to do an official IQ type test, she said that the test is a degree more difficult at 6 and whilst this could show more delays than the one they do at 5, this is better for services down the track.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
I had the ultrasound and its.....
MODEST!
LOL legs together and just to make sure we couldnt see anything at all the umbilical cord is running straight up between the legs (and yes, it was definatly the umbilical cord!!!)
Typical. I had officially decided not to find out anyway but Holger couldnt make it to the scan and so a friend came with me and i gave in to her pestering me to find out so i agreed only to not be able to anyway! lol, Im just not ment to know!
Well, i spoke too soon about spring! We have freezing gale force winds today straight from the mountains, its so windy that i was driving home earlier and having trouble keeping the car in its lane! I also managed to get my first ever speeding fine, ahem.. speeding in a school zone... in my defence i didnt know the area and missed the sign, as soon as i realised there was a school i slowed down but unfortunatly the policecar behind the trees had already seen me! To top it off i just renewed my registration and forgot to put the new sticker on the car, luckily i only got a warning with that one. Damn pregnancy brain, Im just glad i didnt have Jai with me - he is terrified of policemen!
LOL legs together and just to make sure we couldnt see anything at all the umbilical cord is running straight up between the legs (and yes, it was definatly the umbilical cord!!!)
Typical. I had officially decided not to find out anyway but Holger couldnt make it to the scan and so a friend came with me and i gave in to her pestering me to find out so i agreed only to not be able to anyway! lol, Im just not ment to know!
Well, i spoke too soon about spring! We have freezing gale force winds today straight from the mountains, its so windy that i was driving home earlier and having trouble keeping the car in its lane! I also managed to get my first ever speeding fine, ahem.. speeding in a school zone... in my defence i didnt know the area and missed the sign, as soon as i realised there was a school i slowed down but unfortunatly the policecar behind the trees had already seen me! To top it off i just renewed my registration and forgot to put the new sticker on the car, luckily i only got a warning with that one. Damn pregnancy brain, Im just glad i didnt have Jai with me - he is terrified of policemen!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Sun is streaming down outside the study window and into the backyard, the birds in the avairy are whistling and the smell of freshly mown grass wafts in. Ahhh Perfect.
Spring has finally decided to call Canberra home, after weeks of coming and going i am ready to plant the tomatos without fear of one last killer frost coming to wipe them out.
Time has flown, and the busy-ness is about to get busier, got a cheerful reminder at work from head office the otherday letting us know that it was only 11weeks until christmas! Uh Oh, waaay to much to do - this was followed by an equally as cheerful reminder from a collegue "wow you are going to have a baby in 4.5 months!"
AUGGGHH!!!!
Despite knowing im pregnant and feeling the baby kick, i had kind of forgotten that this new wardrobe actually means i must end up with another birth, another baby and ~gulp~ another toddler.
AUGGHHH!!!!!
So i have many apologies to offer to my bloggy friends for totally disengaging from cyberspace for an unusually long period of time so here is a really long update!
Firstly my friend Karen had her baby boy at 28weeks gestation and he is doing fabulously, thank you so much to anyone who offered prayers as right from the beginning he has done better than anyone could have hoped, he is now breathing without assistence and will hopefully get out of the humidicrib some time in the next two weeks!
Another friend had her baby (3rd boy- lol) and after some initial breathing difficulties he is doing great and is just perfect :)
We have just had the spring school holidays, which means it is the last term for the year and then Jaiden will be in Kindy. ~gulp~ He is so not ready for kindy, and at this point i dont even want to think about it - that and the fact that he will be 5 in a months time... no!
Other than growing up a little too fast for my liking, Jai is well, bout the same as 6months ago really - he made heaps of progress at the beginning of the year and it has since hit a plateau, but it always does and experience has taught me that he will gain those needed new skills, very suddenly one day probably over the course of about one week.
We have a meeting with the geneticist again on the 7th of November i glanced at the referal and realised how fast that has gone and then sighed at the current diagnosis of Globabl Developmental Delay, I find myself getting so frustrated with him lately, i think part of me feels if he cant get a proper diagnosis then he should damn well snap out of it and act his age. Why does my almost 5yr old still feel the need to put small objects in his mouth, talk the ear off total strangers about god knows what, still cant count past 12 or follow multi step instructions, have poor visio spacial recognition (according to the latest OT report) and yet the only thing we know for sure is he DOESNT have Williams syndrome. k. sorry. vent over.
On a lighter note, I am feeling terribly guilty about all my time spent laughing at Liams clumsyness as i have just found out the poor kid is half deaf in his right ear and desperatly needs glasses.... I had always written it off as he takes after his mother - luckily he has learned to read without any problems so not being able to see hasnt affected him too badly... So we are off to see some specialists next month. Also i have just found out about these funky frames which can be twisted around in circles and pop straight back into shape so hopefully i wont have to buy a new pair every week when his brothers break them!
Lachie is a total nut. Funny as anything, firey little show off and proud of it!
He seems to be very smart and understands the most amazing things, at 2.5 has better speech than most 4yr olds i know and i find it very difficult to look at him and realise Jaiden wasnt even uttering words at all at his age. But i must not compare them - they are the best of friends and do everything together, Lachie hates it when Jai goes to school and begs to go with him or for me to pick him up early so they can play, its really cute.
So i will love and leave you there and try my very best to keep up to date!
Spring has finally decided to call Canberra home, after weeks of coming and going i am ready to plant the tomatos without fear of one last killer frost coming to wipe them out.
Time has flown, and the busy-ness is about to get busier, got a cheerful reminder at work from head office the otherday letting us know that it was only 11weeks until christmas! Uh Oh, waaay to much to do - this was followed by an equally as cheerful reminder from a collegue "wow you are going to have a baby in 4.5 months!"
AUGGGHH!!!!
Despite knowing im pregnant and feeling the baby kick, i had kind of forgotten that this new wardrobe actually means i must end up with another birth, another baby and ~gulp~ another toddler.
AUGGHHH!!!!!
So i have many apologies to offer to my bloggy friends for totally disengaging from cyberspace for an unusually long period of time so here is a really long update!
Firstly my friend Karen had her baby boy at 28weeks gestation and he is doing fabulously, thank you so much to anyone who offered prayers as right from the beginning he has done better than anyone could have hoped, he is now breathing without assistence and will hopefully get out of the humidicrib some time in the next two weeks!
Another friend had her baby (3rd boy- lol) and after some initial breathing difficulties he is doing great and is just perfect :)
We have just had the spring school holidays, which means it is the last term for the year and then Jaiden will be in Kindy. ~gulp~ He is so not ready for kindy, and at this point i dont even want to think about it - that and the fact that he will be 5 in a months time... no!
Other than growing up a little too fast for my liking, Jai is well, bout the same as 6months ago really - he made heaps of progress at the beginning of the year and it has since hit a plateau, but it always does and experience has taught me that he will gain those needed new skills, very suddenly one day probably over the course of about one week.
We have a meeting with the geneticist again on the 7th of November i glanced at the referal and realised how fast that has gone and then sighed at the current diagnosis of Globabl Developmental Delay, I find myself getting so frustrated with him lately, i think part of me feels if he cant get a proper diagnosis then he should damn well snap out of it and act his age. Why does my almost 5yr old still feel the need to put small objects in his mouth, talk the ear off total strangers about god knows what, still cant count past 12 or follow multi step instructions, have poor visio spacial recognition (according to the latest OT report) and yet the only thing we know for sure is he DOESNT have Williams syndrome. k. sorry. vent over.
On a lighter note, I am feeling terribly guilty about all my time spent laughing at Liams clumsyness as i have just found out the poor kid is half deaf in his right ear and desperatly needs glasses.... I had always written it off as he takes after his mother - luckily he has learned to read without any problems so not being able to see hasnt affected him too badly... So we are off to see some specialists next month. Also i have just found out about these funky frames which can be twisted around in circles and pop straight back into shape so hopefully i wont have to buy a new pair every week when his brothers break them!
Lachie is a total nut. Funny as anything, firey little show off and proud of it!
He seems to be very smart and understands the most amazing things, at 2.5 has better speech than most 4yr olds i know and i find it very difficult to look at him and realise Jaiden wasnt even uttering words at all at his age. But i must not compare them - they are the best of friends and do everything together, Lachie hates it when Jai goes to school and begs to go with him or for me to pick him up early so they can play, its really cute.
So i will love and leave you there and try my very best to keep up to date!
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Just the one :)
Well its been a busy few weeks, i had a 12wk ultrasound on friday and there is only one and double bonus it looks very healthy!! Thank goodness for that, i feel alot happier about everything now, we told the family and friends after the ultrasound and now everyone is praying for a pink one ;)
I am feeling alot better now, the morning sickness is decreasing rapidly and my belly has popped out already, maternity clothes it is from now on!
Liam had his birthday yesterday, we were blessed with a perfect sunny and quite warm day, there were 14 children under 7 running around high as kites on sugar so it was crazy to say the least but i think everyone had fun, Liam certainly did! I will post some pics when i get them from my friend (my camera is broken)I will also post an ultrasound pic later, poor little mite, from the photo i have it looks like it will inherit my unfortunate nose...
The weather is starting to warm up now and the daffodils are out, ahhh finally spring is on the way, this year i really must get into the garden and make it beautiful, unfortunatly rather than a green thumb i have a black one, i even managed to kill this funny little bamboo sculpture plant which claims to only need a tablespoon or two of water once a month... I must try harder!
I booked in Holgers suprise birthday treat (the big 30 this year)which is tickets to Cirque du Soleil and a fancy dinner and night away in a spa suite hotel with out the kiddies, ahh relaxing.. i will probably enjoy it more than him LOL, i should probably buy him a drill or some other "boys toy" to make him feel manly ;)
Now im off to clean the rest of the mess from yesterday as my house looks like a tornado hit square on.
I am feeling alot better now, the morning sickness is decreasing rapidly and my belly has popped out already, maternity clothes it is from now on!
Liam had his birthday yesterday, we were blessed with a perfect sunny and quite warm day, there were 14 children under 7 running around high as kites on sugar so it was crazy to say the least but i think everyone had fun, Liam certainly did! I will post some pics when i get them from my friend (my camera is broken)I will also post an ultrasound pic later, poor little mite, from the photo i have it looks like it will inherit my unfortunate nose...
The weather is starting to warm up now and the daffodils are out, ahhh finally spring is on the way, this year i really must get into the garden and make it beautiful, unfortunatly rather than a green thumb i have a black one, i even managed to kill this funny little bamboo sculpture plant which claims to only need a tablespoon or two of water once a month... I must try harder!
I booked in Holgers suprise birthday treat (the big 30 this year)which is tickets to Cirque du Soleil and a fancy dinner and night away in a spa suite hotel with out the kiddies, ahh relaxing.. i will probably enjoy it more than him LOL, i should probably buy him a drill or some other "boys toy" to make him feel manly ;)
Now im off to clean the rest of the mess from yesterday as my house looks like a tornado hit square on.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Thinking single thoughts....
Yes that title does describe my average intelligence but also i am trying / praying with single thoughts since my last GP visit informed me that my HCG levels are really high for how far pregnant i am and this either means i am several weeks out in my EDD (unlikely) or its possibly.... twins.
I REALLY dont think i could cope with 5 children right now and so since the damn ultrasound place wont fit me in for another 3 weeks as "its not an emergancy" i am forced to ponder the possibility of multiples for 3 whole weeks. Perhaps i should lie and tell them i have been having terrible cramps or something to get in early. Bah im too sick and tired to entertain the children ive got at the moment let alone.. sigh.
Sorry that all my posts of late have been complainy.
Jai did better at school this last week saving mentions of fire alarms mostly for just before and just after school.
Liam got his little kindy language and maths development scores back and he is around the top of his class, his reading is progressing so well now that the little readers at the school seem very easy for him. I am so very proud of my big boy, he is such a kind young man and he is really helpful to me, i feel that sometimes i expect too much from him, he is only 5 after all - well nearly 6 actually at the end of this month! I have a dinosaur birthday party to prepare!
I REALLY dont think i could cope with 5 children right now and so since the damn ultrasound place wont fit me in for another 3 weeks as "its not an emergancy" i am forced to ponder the possibility of multiples for 3 whole weeks. Perhaps i should lie and tell them i have been having terrible cramps or something to get in early. Bah im too sick and tired to entertain the children ive got at the moment let alone.. sigh.
Sorry that all my posts of late have been complainy.
Jai did better at school this last week saving mentions of fire alarms mostly for just before and just after school.
Liam got his little kindy language and maths development scores back and he is around the top of his class, his reading is progressing so well now that the little readers at the school seem very easy for him. I am so very proud of my big boy, he is such a kind young man and he is really helpful to me, i feel that sometimes i expect too much from him, he is only 5 after all - well nearly 6 actually at the end of this month! I have a dinosaur birthday party to prepare!
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Back to school anxiety
Well the kids have just gone back to school after the two week winter break, unfortunatly i dont think they had a great holiday this time due to wet weather,a round of the flu the first week and mummy with her head in the toilet the second... Oh well the next holidays will be spring so there should be lots of outdoorsy stuff to do.
Jaiden went back to preschool this morning and the second we pulled into the school he started freaking out about the fire alarms again, i cant remember if i posted this but in the last week of last term they had 3 fire drills (faulty alarm) and Jai has been obsessing about it all holidays, so he suddenly gets "that look" on his face, im sure most of you know it well, the look of fear and you just have to wait and see how they deal with it. So he starts up with a "they arnt having a fire alarm today mum, Miss Clarke turned off the fire alam didnt she? I dont want the fire alarm, are they having the fire alarm today? Miss Clarke doesnt have the fire alarm any more she got ridded of it..." Etc
Luckily since his language has progressed he tends to obsessivly talk about whatever is frightening him rather than just covering his ears and screaming blue murder.
So we walk into the classroom and he grips my hand and freezes, i had to gently coax him to put his drink in the container and his bag on the hook and when we went to wash his hands the tap squealed a little and his hands shot over his ears and he just looked at me wide eyed, that particular tap has always done that and its never bothered him before. Then we went over the the carpet area to do a puzzle and it turns out his teacher has rearranged the furniture during the holidays, this started to get a bit much for him and his lower lip started to tremble, Miss Clarke appeared at that moment and got a tiny half grin out of him, he was still very tense when i left so Miss Clarke sat down to do a puzzle with him.
When i picked him up she said they had had a good chat about fire alarms and how they wernt scary they were there to help us and apparently he changed the subject to "you are going to fix the room up arnt you?, are we are going to move the room back now? etc" and continued that throughout the session. As we walked to the car the fire alarm talk started again though, "I didnt have a fire alarm today, Miss Clarke turned it off, we wont have a fire alarm ANYMORE. I dont want the fire alarm mummy, it wasnt a fire alarm just a BEEP BEEP BEEP!"....
I hope it ends soon, I will have to ask Miss Clarke if she can try and find out in advance if they will be doing anymore tests so we can stay home that day or something, really though, cant they test alarms outside of school hours anyway?
Jaiden went back to preschool this morning and the second we pulled into the school he started freaking out about the fire alarms again, i cant remember if i posted this but in the last week of last term they had 3 fire drills (faulty alarm) and Jai has been obsessing about it all holidays, so he suddenly gets "that look" on his face, im sure most of you know it well, the look of fear and you just have to wait and see how they deal with it. So he starts up with a "they arnt having a fire alarm today mum, Miss Clarke turned off the fire alam didnt she? I dont want the fire alarm, are they having the fire alarm today? Miss Clarke doesnt have the fire alarm any more she got ridded of it..." Etc
Luckily since his language has progressed he tends to obsessivly talk about whatever is frightening him rather than just covering his ears and screaming blue murder.
So we walk into the classroom and he grips my hand and freezes, i had to gently coax him to put his drink in the container and his bag on the hook and when we went to wash his hands the tap squealed a little and his hands shot over his ears and he just looked at me wide eyed, that particular tap has always done that and its never bothered him before. Then we went over the the carpet area to do a puzzle and it turns out his teacher has rearranged the furniture during the holidays, this started to get a bit much for him and his lower lip started to tremble, Miss Clarke appeared at that moment and got a tiny half grin out of him, he was still very tense when i left so Miss Clarke sat down to do a puzzle with him.
When i picked him up she said they had had a good chat about fire alarms and how they wernt scary they were there to help us and apparently he changed the subject to "you are going to fix the room up arnt you?, are we are going to move the room back now? etc" and continued that throughout the session. As we walked to the car the fire alarm talk started again though, "I didnt have a fire alarm today, Miss Clarke turned it off, we wont have a fire alarm ANYMORE. I dont want the fire alarm mummy, it wasnt a fire alarm just a BEEP BEEP BEEP!"....
I hope it ends soon, I will have to ask Miss Clarke if she can try and find out in advance if they will be doing anymore tests so we can stay home that day or something, really though, cant they test alarms outside of school hours anyway?
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
ugh
I spoke to soon, morning sickness has set in and rather explosively at that, the kids run around doing "mummy throwing up" impressions and trying to hide this from the family and my boss for the next 5 weeks could become more challenging!
Thats one bad thing about being pregnant with a heightened sense of smell and working in a Pet Shop, its that pungent odor when you first walk in in the morning...
On an unrelated note i have discovered a way to prevent Jai using up all the toothpaste in one day, all i need to do is leave the fan on in the bathroom and he wont go in there! Can't cover your ears and brush your teeth at the same time, heh heh heh, and at least now i wont have to buy shares in colgate.
Jai's been plodding along steadily, he is slightly anxious at the moment and spiders are being talked about again ~sigh~ also he seems to have some sort of policeman obsession for no apparent reason at the moment, he loves them and talks about them all the time and if we see a police car he gets all excited, the part that im curious about is the last few days now, when i have asked him to stop doing something or other and he says "Or the policeman take me away? take me away to jail?" and he starts getting upset, I have no idea where he has gotton this notion from but its beginning to get annoying.
I am going out for a hot chocolate (since the thought of coffee makes me ill) this morning with a friend at a kiddy play place, she has two sons and one more due in about 8 weeks so getting in some fun before her bubba is born.
Thats one bad thing about being pregnant with a heightened sense of smell and working in a Pet Shop, its that pungent odor when you first walk in in the morning...
On an unrelated note i have discovered a way to prevent Jai using up all the toothpaste in one day, all i need to do is leave the fan on in the bathroom and he wont go in there! Can't cover your ears and brush your teeth at the same time, heh heh heh, and at least now i wont have to buy shares in colgate.
Jai's been plodding along steadily, he is slightly anxious at the moment and spiders are being talked about again ~sigh~ also he seems to have some sort of policeman obsession for no apparent reason at the moment, he loves them and talks about them all the time and if we see a police car he gets all excited, the part that im curious about is the last few days now, when i have asked him to stop doing something or other and he says "Or the policeman take me away? take me away to jail?" and he starts getting upset, I have no idea where he has gotton this notion from but its beginning to get annoying.
I am going out for a hot chocolate (since the thought of coffee makes me ill) this morning with a friend at a kiddy play place, she has two sons and one more due in about 8 weeks so getting in some fun before her bubba is born.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Feeling Weird
I feel weird. I know i am pregnant i have a few of the usual symptoms, the positive test is a clincher however i dont FEEL pregnant, in the past i have always had that deep "im pregnant" feeling where as this time, nothing. I am also worried, my chance of miscarriage is higher than usual due to my severe folate deficiency prior to pregnancy as is the chance of having a baby with spina bifida. I dont like to think that something could go wrong but over recent years i have become accutely aware of how easy it is to become one of those "other mothers", and frankly it scares me to death. When i rang up the local midwife program and stated my case to try and get accepted (they have very high demand and ideally you have to book in 6 months before you find out your pregnant) it felt strange saying the words out loud, like i was talking about someone else, but they did accept me (yay!).
I think another reason for these thoughts is that after waiting a good 7 months for my neuro appointment which is in August, even though i will still go, i wont be able to have an MRI, so as far as MS goes there will still be no definate answers, maybe i am more comfortable not actually knowing.
I physically am feeling the best i have felt in years, all of my usual bizarre issues have either totally dissapeared or reduced significantly over the last few weeks, i can walk very easily at the moment, i can even climb stairs like a normal person not in the toddler one step at a time fashion i have become accustom to recently, nothing is numb and i do believe i can think more clearly. Odd. perhaps the 4th time round agrees with me, i am normally sick as a dog from conception.
I think another reason for these thoughts is that after waiting a good 7 months for my neuro appointment which is in August, even though i will still go, i wont be able to have an MRI, so as far as MS goes there will still be no definate answers, maybe i am more comfortable not actually knowing.
I physically am feeling the best i have felt in years, all of my usual bizarre issues have either totally dissapeared or reduced significantly over the last few weeks, i can walk very easily at the moment, i can even climb stairs like a normal person not in the toddler one step at a time fashion i have become accustom to recently, nothing is numb and i do believe i can think more clearly. Odd. perhaps the 4th time round agrees with me, i am normally sick as a dog from conception.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
I think this tells you everything you need to know...
Am still in shock really, not exactly planned....
Happy... but slightly shocked...
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Oh come on, not the healthy child!
Well Lachie has always drunk a ridiculous amount of water i blame this on insecurity and his drink is like his teddy bear. After i got questioned intensively at the creache he goes to the other week i decided to take him to the doctor to rule out diabetes, i havnt been worried as he seems perfectly well.
The Doctor agreed with me that he seems fine, height, weight, intelligence, speech - everything actually seems fine, she decided to do some blood tests just to make sure and also commented that sometimes vitamin adn mineral defficiency can cause excess drinking, so off we trotted to the vampires office and with an extremely concerned looking Jaiden watching intently and giving a warning of "Dont hurt my brudda!" they syphoned my youngest without a single tear and we were on our merry way with a few extra stickers and a whinnie the pooh bandaid.
A few days later i got a call from the doc asking to go in and see her, so we went back and were told that his sugar levels are perfect however he does have iron defficiency and his Lymphocytes are way to high for someone who isnt visibly sick. She said it may have been an underlying infection or something so we would repeat the bloods and let me know if i should take him to the Paediatrician or not. So back to the vampire we went, re-syphoned this time with a few tears shed, but more in anger for being restrained than in pain from being spiked. A week came and went and no phone call so i assumed everything must be fine, then yesterday out of the blue the surgery rang saying i must come in and pick up a referal to the Paediatrician as the results havnt changed. So on the 14th we go back to the paed but strangely with out Jaiden this time, I hope that what ever this infection is that it has gone by then as frankly i cant face another series of doctors and appointments! As for the iron deficiency the only plausable thing i can come up with is he takes after me - we eat plenty of red meat and iron filled veggies, yet my iron levels have been steadily dropping for years... On the bright side, Jaidens iron levels are perfect!
The Doctor agreed with me that he seems fine, height, weight, intelligence, speech - everything actually seems fine, she decided to do some blood tests just to make sure and also commented that sometimes vitamin adn mineral defficiency can cause excess drinking, so off we trotted to the vampires office and with an extremely concerned looking Jaiden watching intently and giving a warning of "Dont hurt my brudda!" they syphoned my youngest without a single tear and we were on our merry way with a few extra stickers and a whinnie the pooh bandaid.
A few days later i got a call from the doc asking to go in and see her, so we went back and were told that his sugar levels are perfect however he does have iron defficiency and his Lymphocytes are way to high for someone who isnt visibly sick. She said it may have been an underlying infection or something so we would repeat the bloods and let me know if i should take him to the Paediatrician or not. So back to the vampire we went, re-syphoned this time with a few tears shed, but more in anger for being restrained than in pain from being spiked. A week came and went and no phone call so i assumed everything must be fine, then yesterday out of the blue the surgery rang saying i must come in and pick up a referal to the Paediatrician as the results havnt changed. So on the 14th we go back to the paed but strangely with out Jaiden this time, I hope that what ever this infection is that it has gone by then as frankly i cant face another series of doctors and appointments! As for the iron deficiency the only plausable thing i can come up with is he takes after me - we eat plenty of red meat and iron filled veggies, yet my iron levels have been steadily dropping for years... On the bright side, Jaidens iron levels are perfect!
Monday, June 30, 2008
RAGTIME JIM
Well this man is an inspiration, I have never in my life heard anyone play the piano with such skill and then to top it off he has WS. I must say i was dissapointed by a fair few of the comments left with people saying he is silly for being stuck in a dead end job at disney and with such talant why doesnt he have a CD out?
I wish those people knew that he is actually probably in the best job anyone with WS could ask for having constant interaction with happy people and getting to play music all day (not to mention working at Disney would be so fun!) So, Jim i am proud of you, such extrodinary talant.
I wish those people knew that he is actually probably in the best job anyone with WS could ask for having constant interaction with happy people and getting to play music all day (not to mention working at Disney would be so fun!) So, Jim i am proud of you, such extrodinary talant.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Short Fuse
Vent:
Im having one of those days, you know those days, The ones where all those little annoying quirks like repetitive questions and uncontrollable screaming because of god knows what build up and just end up pissing you off? Somedays i feel sad for those little difference, most days they are just life but today im not very nice to be around as those little differences are exactly what is making me want to pull my hair out and set fire to it too- i have been a yelling banshee who looks suited to some sort of Jerry Springer episode all morning. Augghh I need a break!
Im having one of those days, you know those days, The ones where all those little annoying quirks like repetitive questions and uncontrollable screaming because of god knows what build up and just end up pissing you off? Somedays i feel sad for those little difference, most days they are just life but today im not very nice to be around as those little differences are exactly what is making me want to pull my hair out and set fire to it too- i have been a yelling banshee who looks suited to some sort of Jerry Springer episode all morning. Augghh I need a break!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
The Tooth Fairy has joined the darkside...
Oh dear..
It appears that after my dear son Liam has lost his very first tooth, placed it carefully under a pillow the silly tooth fairy got distracted last night and TOTALLY forgot about this 5yr olds major life event until this morning...
I wake up to a very sad little face and the words "the tooth fairy took my tooth, but she didnt leave any money..."
OH CRAP!!
Thankfully the little zip lock bag containing said tooth had come undone during the night and subsequently spilled its contents somewhere within the depths of the bed sheets leaving some "magical-ness" intact but unfortunatly also the impression that the tooth fairy must have recently befriended the devil...
So whilst a rather upset child was consoled by his breakfast cereal, the sneaky toothfairy reappeared, snuck a small gold coin beneath the pillow and removed the missing fang from its secret location made a subtle suggestion that perhaps the child had not looked hard enough and perhaps like his shoes, that were in the wardrobe after all, some money will be exactly where it should be...
The tooth fairy also left the hair straightener on in the bathroom for several hours and miss-placed the camera cord for the computer
( i think she is becoming unreliable)
It appears that after my dear son Liam has lost his very first tooth, placed it carefully under a pillow the silly tooth fairy got distracted last night and TOTALLY forgot about this 5yr olds major life event until this morning...
I wake up to a very sad little face and the words "the tooth fairy took my tooth, but she didnt leave any money..."
OH CRAP!!
Thankfully the little zip lock bag containing said tooth had come undone during the night and subsequently spilled its contents somewhere within the depths of the bed sheets leaving some "magical-ness" intact but unfortunatly also the impression that the tooth fairy must have recently befriended the devil...
So whilst a rather upset child was consoled by his breakfast cereal, the sneaky toothfairy reappeared, snuck a small gold coin beneath the pillow and removed the missing fang from its secret location made a subtle suggestion that perhaps the child had not looked hard enough and perhaps like his shoes, that were in the wardrobe after all, some money will be exactly where it should be...
The tooth fairy also left the hair straightener on in the bathroom for several hours and miss-placed the camera cord for the computer
( i think she is becoming unreliable)
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
I take it by the stream of HAZMAT response units, police cars and several fire trucks that have just exited my street that the emergancy is over, the roadblocks are lifted, people within the '200m exclusion zone' can re-enter their homes and life on the avenue will return to normal.
The excitement of the past 24hrs was the threat of an explosion, apparently one large enough to reduce the entire suburb to rubble.
First i knew of the whole event was chatting to my mother on the telephone and a fire truck whizzed past sirens a blazing, followed by a police car and another fire truck - hmm.. wonder what that is all about? approx 5 fire trucks and several police cars later i was getting curious all i could see peering up the street was a road block and a hell of a lot of flashing lights.
I went down to the school (about 500m in the other direction) to pick up Liam and an announcement came over the loudspeaker asking all children living in the following streets to assemble in the hall, after quizzing some of the other parents we were informed about a chemical spill on my street and a fire in a trailer... righto...
Picked up Liam and attempted to get home through the roadblocks and traffic jams and was lucky enough to be just outside of the no go area so while other people turned around in our driveway or parked their cars accross the road and abused police officers for not letting them go home, i sat with a hot coffee observing the commotion outside the lounge room window. When the news came on in the evening we learned that it wasnt actually a chemical spill but rather the threat of an explosion that was costing the government unthinkable sums of money in emergancy services, luckily there were no loud bangs and we went to sleep feeling fairly safe. This morning the road was STILL blocked off and fire truckes were STILL going up the road, the place looked like an emergancy services convention or something.
All in all an Anti Climax really, no explosions, no fatalities and only a small segment on the 6 o'clock local news. Apart from the annoyance of roadblocks and evacuations one wonders silently - exactly how long does it take pretty much Canberra's entire fire brigade and police force to put out a fire in a trailer anyway?
I suppose as it turned out, the act of extinguishing the fire was complicated some what by the two small bottles of explosive liquid located on the same trailer which was unfortunatly located next to two ginormous bottles of the same explosive substance...
The excitement of the past 24hrs was the threat of an explosion, apparently one large enough to reduce the entire suburb to rubble.
First i knew of the whole event was chatting to my mother on the telephone and a fire truck whizzed past sirens a blazing, followed by a police car and another fire truck - hmm.. wonder what that is all about? approx 5 fire trucks and several police cars later i was getting curious all i could see peering up the street was a road block and a hell of a lot of flashing lights.
I went down to the school (about 500m in the other direction) to pick up Liam and an announcement came over the loudspeaker asking all children living in the following streets to assemble in the hall, after quizzing some of the other parents we were informed about a chemical spill on my street and a fire in a trailer... righto...
Picked up Liam and attempted to get home through the roadblocks and traffic jams and was lucky enough to be just outside of the no go area so while other people turned around in our driveway or parked their cars accross the road and abused police officers for not letting them go home, i sat with a hot coffee observing the commotion outside the lounge room window. When the news came on in the evening we learned that it wasnt actually a chemical spill but rather the threat of an explosion that was costing the government unthinkable sums of money in emergancy services, luckily there were no loud bangs and we went to sleep feeling fairly safe. This morning the road was STILL blocked off and fire truckes were STILL going up the road, the place looked like an emergancy services convention or something.
All in all an Anti Climax really, no explosions, no fatalities and only a small segment on the 6 o'clock local news. Apart from the annoyance of roadblocks and evacuations one wonders silently - exactly how long does it take pretty much Canberra's entire fire brigade and police force to put out a fire in a trailer anyway?
I suppose as it turned out, the act of extinguishing the fire was complicated some what by the two small bottles of explosive liquid located on the same trailer which was unfortunatly located next to two ginormous bottles of the same explosive substance...
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Royal Celebrations
Its the Queens Birthday weekend and thankyou, Ms Elizabeth-The-Second for this monumentous occasion, i happen to live in the last state in Australia to allow the sale of small colourful explosives, all be it over a rather short period of two days a year, which then can be let off only between 5-9pm Saturday and Sunday.
Some friends came over and we decided to partake this year as the government is threatening to take away our annual right to blow things up next year,and much to our pleasent surprise, Jaiden only ran cowring into the house on one occasion and with exeption of some mild ear covering, seemed to thoroughly enjoy the whole event.
I sent my friend home with her intoxicated husband, grumpy exaughsted 5yr old and hungry newborn and was selfishly quite glad we held our final cracker night at my house and not hers.
Its now 11:53pm and i am sitting at the computer wishing i could fall in a heap on my bed and Sleeeeep. However as my rather intoxicated husband informed me moments before passing out fully clothed on that very bed i am so willfully thinking of:
"Youve gotta shtay uph and wahch the fiherr"
So i am casually observing whats left of a small bonfire incase a slight gust of wind directs it towards my pergola and reduces my house to ashes. Should really get a new battery for that smoke alarm...
I just finished my 4th cup of instant coffee in 45 minutes, unfortunatly it seems i am to far in the depths of caffine addiction for this to give me any sort of waking high and i must hope that the internet will contain enough interesting things to keep me mildly alert for probably another hour or so - i could end this sooner by walking out into the freezing cold and turning the iced up hose on the fire but i am much more comfortable inside, thank you very much and besides, i can catch up on the blogs i have been painfully neglecting of late...
Some friends came over and we decided to partake this year as the government is threatening to take away our annual right to blow things up next year,and much to our pleasent surprise, Jaiden only ran cowring into the house on one occasion and with exeption of some mild ear covering, seemed to thoroughly enjoy the whole event.
I sent my friend home with her intoxicated husband, grumpy exaughsted 5yr old and hungry newborn and was selfishly quite glad we held our final cracker night at my house and not hers.
Its now 11:53pm and i am sitting at the computer wishing i could fall in a heap on my bed and Sleeeeep. However as my rather intoxicated husband informed me moments before passing out fully clothed on that very bed i am so willfully thinking of:
"Youve gotta shtay uph and wahch the fiherr"
So i am casually observing whats left of a small bonfire incase a slight gust of wind directs it towards my pergola and reduces my house to ashes. Should really get a new battery for that smoke alarm...
I just finished my 4th cup of instant coffee in 45 minutes, unfortunatly it seems i am to far in the depths of caffine addiction for this to give me any sort of waking high and i must hope that the internet will contain enough interesting things to keep me mildly alert for probably another hour or so - i could end this sooner by walking out into the freezing cold and turning the iced up hose on the fire but i am much more comfortable inside, thank you very much and besides, i can catch up on the blogs i have been painfully neglecting of late...
Thursday, May 29, 2008
when do you say something...
A friend of mine has three beautiful kids and i think that her middle one might be mildly Autistic. I think she thinks it too, but she hasnt said anything and i dont really know if i can say anything... Her little girl is nearly 3 and fairly affectionate to her parents but wont look you in the eye, doesnt speak and does that Autistic style gesture thing, you know what i mean. Having known a few Autistic kids over the last few years i am getting those alarm bells ringing... I dont know what to say, this feels stupid coming from me but She told me today that she thought her daughter was starting to say Mama and Dada and i said, Great! She'll be chatting away before you know it. Now i of course ment that as an encouraging statement but immediatly wanted to hit myself as the look on her face was kind of sad and i remember all those people telling me things like that and how i felt like i was stupid and my concerns wernt valid.
We are meeting up next week so i will see if i can get her to open up a bit.
On a smug note.. (yes i am pathetic) we saw my old un-helpful doctor this morning and she suddenly says all concerned "How are you, are you limping?" and i replied "Oh yes, Im well thank you and how are you?" and she just gave me a funny look, and then she suddenly seemed all concerned about jaiden who had picked up a toy aeroplane and was holding it over his head spinning the propella repeatedly and said "How is he doing?" "Im like he is doing great." Again with the odd look - i figure she didnt care when i was concerned so now that there are some slightly more obvious signs why should i give her the time of day?
Oh and Jai got his shoes. They are extra special cause they have spiderman on them!
So now the entire local shopping center have been shown and made to say "wow arnt you lucky!" He is fairly content, except somewhere along the way he convinced himself that he was getting a new watch too (like hell i am going through that obsession again!) and so every so often he screams, falls to the floor adn sobs "MY WATCH!!!!" Its actually quite funny. Better to laugh than cry i suppose...
We are meeting up next week so i will see if i can get her to open up a bit.
On a smug note.. (yes i am pathetic) we saw my old un-helpful doctor this morning and she suddenly says all concerned "How are you, are you limping?" and i replied "Oh yes, Im well thank you and how are you?" and she just gave me a funny look, and then she suddenly seemed all concerned about jaiden who had picked up a toy aeroplane and was holding it over his head spinning the propella repeatedly and said "How is he doing?" "Im like he is doing great." Again with the odd look - i figure she didnt care when i was concerned so now that there are some slightly more obvious signs why should i give her the time of day?
Oh and Jai got his shoes. They are extra special cause they have spiderman on them!
So now the entire local shopping center have been shown and made to say "wow arnt you lucky!" He is fairly content, except somewhere along the way he convinced himself that he was getting a new watch too (like hell i am going through that obsession again!) and so every so often he screams, falls to the floor adn sobs "MY WATCH!!!!" Its actually quite funny. Better to laugh than cry i suppose...
Monday, May 26, 2008
oh for the love of... footwear...
I have an on going battle with Jaidens feet, he has quite short feet that are exceptionally wide and finding shoes is difficult. I am currently having to replace them on a monthly basis as he rips the velcro fasteners off because he pulls it so tight, and shoe laces are not an option. He also scuffs his feet as he walks putting holes in the toes and then he picks them apart with his fingers!
So just before, Jaiden runs into the room from the backyard and starts jumping on the couch - he says "mum can you buy me new shoes?" I reply "Yes Jai, on thursday remember? Now hop off the couch" And he bursts into tears, "No NOT THURSDAY, I need new shoes NOW!" ~still jumping~ So i say "Jaiden, we have talked about this, we will get the shoes on Thursday" So he screams at me "NOW!", I say "NO!" and then says "But these ones have dog poo on!!". Me: "GET OFF THE COUCH!!!!"
sigh...
Jai: I have new shoes when Liams picked up?
me: No, thursday.
Jai: Is it thursday?
Me: No its Tuesday. Thursday is in two sleeps.
Jai: ~screaming~ BUT I want it THURSDAY now!!
Me: Jaiden Stop.
Jai: sorry mum. Can i have new shoes now?
AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh
He is STILL GOING ON ABOUT IT.
So just before, Jaiden runs into the room from the backyard and starts jumping on the couch - he says "mum can you buy me new shoes?" I reply "Yes Jai, on thursday remember? Now hop off the couch" And he bursts into tears, "No NOT THURSDAY, I need new shoes NOW!" ~still jumping~ So i say "Jaiden, we have talked about this, we will get the shoes on Thursday" So he screams at me "NOW!", I say "NO!" and then says "But these ones have dog poo on!!". Me: "GET OFF THE COUCH!!!!"
sigh...
Jai: I have new shoes when Liams picked up?
me: No, thursday.
Jai: Is it thursday?
Me: No its Tuesday. Thursday is in two sleeps.
Jai: ~screaming~ BUT I want it THURSDAY now!!
Me: Jaiden Stop.
Jai: sorry mum. Can i have new shoes now?
AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh
He is STILL GOING ON ABOUT IT.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Business Proposal....
Holger and i were taken out to dinner last night by some friends of ours, we went to a nice little restaurant in the city and dined and chatted all child free. It was rather pleasent! During the evening our friends started talking about the restaurant we were in and told us that they are planning on buying it! They then asked us if we would be interested in going into partnership with them!!
So we have rather alot to think about... The price is fair and the business is running at a good profit, we both have kids and understand they take 1st priority.. however, I have no hospitality experience what so ever and i would be the one working there, i am also ridiculously clumsy (think Susan from Desperate Housewives)and i have been sick and am quite likely to get sicker... I have a feeling that this could be a great oppertunity and as was pointed out to me they are already running at a profit now and the owner doesnt work in there, my friends Hubby would run the place, he has been managing cafes and restaurants his whole working life, so if worst came to worst i wouldnt have to work.
Oh i dont know... big decisions... any opinions would be greatfully accepted!!
So we have rather alot to think about... The price is fair and the business is running at a good profit, we both have kids and understand they take 1st priority.. however, I have no hospitality experience what so ever and i would be the one working there, i am also ridiculously clumsy (think Susan from Desperate Housewives)and i have been sick and am quite likely to get sicker... I have a feeling that this could be a great oppertunity and as was pointed out to me they are already running at a profit now and the owner doesnt work in there, my friends Hubby would run the place, he has been managing cafes and restaurants his whole working life, so if worst came to worst i wouldnt have to work.
Oh i dont know... big decisions... any opinions would be greatfully accepted!!
Thursday, May 15, 2008
AWESOME OBSESSION!!
Ok. Jai always has his obsessions they generally come and go over a period of several months and get replaced with another.
We have hit on what i can only describe as the best obsession ever!
Letters. as in ABCs.
He wants to know what every letter is, he trys to make letter shapes out of what ever he is doing at the time (eating spaghetti for example -makes a J) he is trying to write all the letters - in no particular order (doesnt know his ABC song quite right yet)and he IS REMEMBERING them!!! Oh this is SO MUCH better than the spider obsession, which i was getting very sick of. He wrote his name awhile ago. then that was it. nothing. now BANG! So of course i am grabbing this with both hands and praying that this lasts long enough to get at least what every letter looks like and the phonetic sound to it!
Yay! im so excited :)
We have hit on what i can only describe as the best obsession ever!
Letters. as in ABCs.
He wants to know what every letter is, he trys to make letter shapes out of what ever he is doing at the time (eating spaghetti for example -makes a J) he is trying to write all the letters - in no particular order (doesnt know his ABC song quite right yet)and he IS REMEMBERING them!!! Oh this is SO MUCH better than the spider obsession, which i was getting very sick of. He wrote his name awhile ago. then that was it. nothing. now BANG! So of course i am grabbing this with both hands and praying that this lasts long enough to get at least what every letter looks like and the phonetic sound to it!
Yay! im so excited :)
Monday, May 5, 2008
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
So forward we will go, beneath the stars and below the heavens, across country and fearing of nothing but ourselves.
Hell is not so much a place we will go when we die, but a place we create for our living selves. Our deepest regrets, greatest fears and darkest secrets lie there. We are fearful of our own wrong doing, I feel that Hell is comprised mostly of Guilt. Guilt of being a bad wife, bad mother, bad friend, bad lover, whatever we secretly or openly wish we had done better – the fear of dying and being confronted with that darkness is something that some of us use to better ourselves and try harder during there time on earth, while others try to suppress and confess to get through.
If I were to die tomorrow, I would die happy. I have done the things that I want to do and I have no burning goals, no “bucket list” that makes me fear death. I think in many ways I fear Hell. Life hell that is, the constant reminder of the things I regret, the things I cant change and the things I chose not to. I look at my sons smiling brightly so innocent and so free, I look at them and wonder what my influence will be as they grow, will I always be a source of inspiration, will I be loved or will I become hated, or worse a burden. I feel so much guilt for what I have already done, or have not done, what I could have done better or could I have prevented. If those drinks I had before I found out I was pregnant are the cause of the difficulties my second born has endured and will probably continue to endure for the rest of his life…
Questions I suppose I will never fully understand and probably never know the answers to until I can stand face to face with God.
While I wait for that day to come I ask this.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
So forward we will go, beneath the stars and below the heavens, across country and fearing of nothing but ourselves.
Hell is not so much a place we will go when we die, but a place we create for our living selves. Our deepest regrets, greatest fears and darkest secrets lie there. We are fearful of our own wrong doing, I feel that Hell is comprised mostly of Guilt. Guilt of being a bad wife, bad mother, bad friend, bad lover, whatever we secretly or openly wish we had done better – the fear of dying and being confronted with that darkness is something that some of us use to better ourselves and try harder during there time on earth, while others try to suppress and confess to get through.
If I were to die tomorrow, I would die happy. I have done the things that I want to do and I have no burning goals, no “bucket list” that makes me fear death. I think in many ways I fear Hell. Life hell that is, the constant reminder of the things I regret, the things I cant change and the things I chose not to. I look at my sons smiling brightly so innocent and so free, I look at them and wonder what my influence will be as they grow, will I always be a source of inspiration, will I be loved or will I become hated, or worse a burden. I feel so much guilt for what I have already done, or have not done, what I could have done better or could I have prevented. If those drinks I had before I found out I was pregnant are the cause of the difficulties my second born has endured and will probably continue to endure for the rest of his life…
Questions I suppose I will never fully understand and probably never know the answers to until I can stand face to face with God.
While I wait for that day to come I ask this.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
life goes on....
Well, i really have been slack with the blogging!!
So Therese finally had her baby on Anzac day which we all found amusing as Mummy is an Aussie and Daddy is a New Zealander so we figure baby Jake just wanted to make both sides of the family happy! LOL another plus is although there is alot of sadness surrounding that day his birthday will always be a public holiday and should include a long weekend to have a great party!
So despite the babies babies everywhere i find myself holding them and feeling suprisingly un-clucky. Ive done my dash and im at peace with it.
Jaiden is carrying on as normal - his behaviour has been a bit unpredictable of late this afternoon he ran outside and less than two minutes later Lachie comes running in saying "Jai done a poo!" so i went to investigate thinking he might have had an accident but no. he had snuck around the side of the house where the clam shell sandpit has been hibernating waiting for a sand refill and done a great big poo in it. Other toileting dramas include suddenly dropping his dacks in public and doing a wee and recently weeing in the corner of his bedroom. I am at a loss to why this behaviour has happened - he is fully aware of the rules and knows it is wrong, i dont think he is after attention because he will try and hide it. Sigh....
On the bright side his fear of noises seems to have disapeared over night - we went and watched a local fireworks display and he loved it, didnt even cover his ears (though we were a good distance away) - His sudden interest in letters and numbers has sparked me to push him quite a bit while he is on a "learning burst" and he can recognize all numbers 1 to 9 and he can recognise heaps of different letters of the alphabet - some he says the letter name and some he says the sound, its great! Lachie startled me yesterday, he was scribbling on a bit of paper and then held the pen and made a purposeful "L" and then said 'L for Lachie' I guess although i havnt been showing him directly he is always there when i am doing work with Jaiden so he has been silently absorbing it - i was mostly impressed at the pen control since he generally only scribbles.
I got some of my blood test results back which apparently indicate something called: 'chronic sensory-motor peripheral neuropathy' which from what i have read i would rather have MS (and MS is certainly easier to say when people ask what is wrong with you!)
So getting a little anxious about that and its still along way until August and the Neuro appointment. I shouldnt dwell on it - i cant change it anyway, but i have been having alot more problems with bad stiffness in my legs and the weakness in my left side has gotten markedly worse. I have been having days where i have almost wanted to go and buy a cane to help me walk around, luckily for any longer trips to shops etc i have Lachies stroller to lean on. I have decided to amend the doorway sizes in the plans for re-modelling the house to accomedate a wheelchair incase this becomes part of my future, if not - there is nothing wrong with big doorways!
So Therese finally had her baby on Anzac day which we all found amusing as Mummy is an Aussie and Daddy is a New Zealander so we figure baby Jake just wanted to make both sides of the family happy! LOL another plus is although there is alot of sadness surrounding that day his birthday will always be a public holiday and should include a long weekend to have a great party!
So despite the babies babies everywhere i find myself holding them and feeling suprisingly un-clucky. Ive done my dash and im at peace with it.
Jaiden is carrying on as normal - his behaviour has been a bit unpredictable of late this afternoon he ran outside and less than two minutes later Lachie comes running in saying "Jai done a poo!" so i went to investigate thinking he might have had an accident but no. he had snuck around the side of the house where the clam shell sandpit has been hibernating waiting for a sand refill and done a great big poo in it. Other toileting dramas include suddenly dropping his dacks in public and doing a wee and recently weeing in the corner of his bedroom. I am at a loss to why this behaviour has happened - he is fully aware of the rules and knows it is wrong, i dont think he is after attention because he will try and hide it. Sigh....
On the bright side his fear of noises seems to have disapeared over night - we went and watched a local fireworks display and he loved it, didnt even cover his ears (though we were a good distance away) - His sudden interest in letters and numbers has sparked me to push him quite a bit while he is on a "learning burst" and he can recognize all numbers 1 to 9 and he can recognise heaps of different letters of the alphabet - some he says the letter name and some he says the sound, its great! Lachie startled me yesterday, he was scribbling on a bit of paper and then held the pen and made a purposeful "L" and then said 'L for Lachie' I guess although i havnt been showing him directly he is always there when i am doing work with Jaiden so he has been silently absorbing it - i was mostly impressed at the pen control since he generally only scribbles.
I got some of my blood test results back which apparently indicate something called: 'chronic sensory-motor peripheral neuropathy' which from what i have read i would rather have MS (and MS is certainly easier to say when people ask what is wrong with you!)
So getting a little anxious about that and its still along way until August and the Neuro appointment. I shouldnt dwell on it - i cant change it anyway, but i have been having alot more problems with bad stiffness in my legs and the weakness in my left side has gotten markedly worse. I have been having days where i have almost wanted to go and buy a cane to help me walk around, luckily for any longer trips to shops etc i have Lachies stroller to lean on. I have decided to amend the doorway sizes in the plans for re-modelling the house to accomedate a wheelchair incase this becomes part of my future, if not - there is nothing wrong with big doorways!
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Im an aunty again!!!!
My sister has given birth to beautiful baby boy "Alexander" He is SOOOOOO cute!
Absolutely perfect i think 8 lbs something oz (3.55kg).
He has lovely olive skin and i do believe there are eyes in there but i am yet to see them as they were squeezed tight shut in an effort to sleep off the rather rapid birth that very nearly ended in the hospital carpark!
I will post some photos as soon as i can get a new camera (my old one croaked)
Please spare a thought for my poor friend Therese who is currently 6 days over due and getting rather sick of being pregnant and very anxious to meet her new family member!
Absolutely perfect i think 8 lbs something oz (3.55kg).
He has lovely olive skin and i do believe there are eyes in there but i am yet to see them as they were squeezed tight shut in an effort to sleep off the rather rapid birth that very nearly ended in the hospital carpark!
I will post some photos as soon as i can get a new camera (my old one croaked)
Please spare a thought for my poor friend Therese who is currently 6 days over due and getting rather sick of being pregnant and very anxious to meet her new family member!
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Wow, my blogging has really been slipping lately, i have jsut being enjoying catching up on everyone elses posts and find very little time to actually write any of my own. The spots are slowly dissapearing from our household, Jaidens are still hanging around, though mostly because of his picking habit...LOL luckily there arnt too many on his face, so if they scar it shouldnt be too noticeable!
I am excited as both my best friend and my sister are 41weeks pregnant and they are absolutely ready to pop, currently they are walking steep hills and taking hot baths and trying all the other known methods of encouraging childbirth!
Both are having their 2nd child both are having boys and both have a firstborn girl!
So it looks like i will be spending some time at the hospital over the next week but thankfully for all the right reasons. :)
I am excited as both my best friend and my sister are 41weeks pregnant and they are absolutely ready to pop, currently they are walking steep hills and taking hot baths and trying all the other known methods of encouraging childbirth!
Both are having their 2nd child both are having boys and both have a firstborn girl!
So it looks like i will be spending some time at the hospital over the next week but thankfully for all the right reasons. :)
Monday, April 7, 2008
CHICKEN POX!
It was only a matter of time really - Liams class at school had only 6 students out of the 25 left in the class the other day due to chicken pox. So now of course all my boys are spotty!
Thankfully Jai only seems to have a few - like 10, so i hope it stays that way as he has scabby mozzie bites on his legs that are several months old still there from all the picking he does. Poor little Lachie has them worst in the nappy area so he is really hating being changed at the moment... Probably a good time to push the toilet training!
I got a phone call from a friend this morning saying all of hers have broken out in spots today too so she is coming over for a visit and the boys can all play together :)
On an unrelated note i won an iPod!! YAY!! I had always wanted one but hadnt been able to justify it, and i went to a trivia night on the weekend and they had a competition where they placed the iPod at the other end of the room and you had to roll a $2 coin accross the floor and try and get it as close as possible to the iPod and i won! Sorry - im excited cause i never win stuff LOL!
The weather is really cooling down here now so i hope for all my American friends this means spring has truley sprung and you are getting to enjoy more outdoor time :)
Thankfully Jai only seems to have a few - like 10, so i hope it stays that way as he has scabby mozzie bites on his legs that are several months old still there from all the picking he does. Poor little Lachie has them worst in the nappy area so he is really hating being changed at the moment... Probably a good time to push the toilet training!
I got a phone call from a friend this morning saying all of hers have broken out in spots today too so she is coming over for a visit and the boys can all play together :)
On an unrelated note i won an iPod!! YAY!! I had always wanted one but hadnt been able to justify it, and i went to a trivia night on the weekend and they had a competition where they placed the iPod at the other end of the room and you had to roll a $2 coin accross the floor and try and get it as close as possible to the iPod and i won! Sorry - im excited cause i never win stuff LOL!
The weather is really cooling down here now so i hope for all my American friends this means spring has truley sprung and you are getting to enjoy more outdoor time :)
Monday, March 31, 2008
Mr Negative?
Aughh!
Jai is going through a phase of turning everything into something bad or spider related! Does anyone else have these problems?
Jai:Look mummy, i drew a cat!
Me: Oh wow sweety, thats beautiful!
Jai: and its got claws and it will SCRATCH YOU until you dead.
Me: Oh....
Me: Look Jai, here is your favourite car!
Jai: I like my car, it might squish you though... maybe it will squish the spider and the spider will be dead. Then it wont be dead after all and it will BITE me and i will be sick sick sick and dead ~imitates dying~.
Me: um...??
Jai: I wanna go to school
Me: you can go to school tomorrow!
Jai: I WANNA GO SEE MISS CLARKE NOWWWWW!!
Me: You get to see Miss Clarke tomorrow
Jai: Is she dead?
Me: No... she is at home today, you can see her tomorrow
Jai: ~starts making crying face~ but she will be dead tomorrow, cause the spider bite her!
Me: AUGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Jai is going through a phase of turning everything into something bad or spider related! Does anyone else have these problems?
Jai:Look mummy, i drew a cat!
Me: Oh wow sweety, thats beautiful!
Jai: and its got claws and it will SCRATCH YOU until you dead.
Me: Oh....
Me: Look Jai, here is your favourite car!
Jai: I like my car, it might squish you though... maybe it will squish the spider and the spider will be dead. Then it wont be dead after all and it will BITE me and i will be sick sick sick and dead ~imitates dying~.
Me: um...??
Jai: I wanna go to school
Me: you can go to school tomorrow!
Jai: I WANNA GO SEE MISS CLARKE NOWWWWW!!
Me: You get to see Miss Clarke tomorrow
Jai: Is she dead?
Me: No... she is at home today, you can see her tomorrow
Jai: ~starts making crying face~ but she will be dead tomorrow, cause the spider bite her!
Me: AUGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Geneticist
A few of you asked if Dr Morris ever got back to me, No, she hasnt - she is pretty busy and im not even a US resident so i suppose im probably not really a priority.
I did however, just get a letter from the Genetics Dept here stating that they have made us an appointment on the 19th of December (gotta love the waiting lists) and the letter also says that they have a new geneticist and she wishes to review Jaiden.
That was all there was to it so im not sure if she is reviewing all the patients or what - but perhaps she will give us some new clarity about Jai's case.
Meanwhile we had an IEP meeting and have decided to exit him out of EIU as he is enjoying the pre-school environment so much and fitting in really well, anxiety and behavioural issues doesnt seem to be an issue there, and there really isnt much to be gained from the EIU that cant be done at home with me.
Im glad because my Mondays and Tuesdays were basically consisting of running around like a headless chook and not really spending quality time with anyone!
I really must buy a new camera (i want to get a video + camera combo) so that i can put up videos of the kids, they are so funny!
I did however, just get a letter from the Genetics Dept here stating that they have made us an appointment on the 19th of December (gotta love the waiting lists) and the letter also says that they have a new geneticist and she wishes to review Jaiden.
That was all there was to it so im not sure if she is reviewing all the patients or what - but perhaps she will give us some new clarity about Jai's case.
Meanwhile we had an IEP meeting and have decided to exit him out of EIU as he is enjoying the pre-school environment so much and fitting in really well, anxiety and behavioural issues doesnt seem to be an issue there, and there really isnt much to be gained from the EIU that cant be done at home with me.
Im glad because my Mondays and Tuesdays were basically consisting of running around like a headless chook and not really spending quality time with anyone!
I really must buy a new camera (i want to get a video + camera combo) so that i can put up videos of the kids, they are so funny!
Monday, March 24, 2008
Limbo
I think i am living on a plateau.
The world passes by my feet without so much as stopping to say hello. The weeks roll past easter rolls past, i go through the motions, but have no particular feelings one way or another about anything much. I find myself enjoying my alone time more and more and having less and less tolerence for pretty much anyone else. I treasure those moments in my car when i am alone and in complete control of everything. I have fantasys of speeding my way through the streets with the police chasing me, and i get something from the knowledge that i can just simply drive into a tree. I wont, but i can. Dont get me wrong, im not suicidel or anything, just looking for some aspect of my life that i can control.
Moments come and go and i make a mental not to add some of these to my auto biography which is destined to stay in my mind forever re surfacing only as fuzzy edged pictures of long lost memories in those few moments before my death.
I spent so much time hell bent on finding a diagnosis for my son that when it all reached its long awaited anti climax i just stopped caring. I have a new found pseudo-acceptence for all things Jaiden, i try to concentrate on the small accomplishments and pretend the rest of life just isnt really happening, i am immune or perhaps simply numb to it, the small but significant differences between him and the rest of the 4yr old population are convieniently ignored and tears are pushed deep back into my throat and i quickly change the subject.
I have become increasingly aware of my habit of befriending other mothers of kids with "problems" the worse the problem the better - i think this is some sort of slighlty disturbing self-medication, it makes my kid look good. I realised this after spending 20min with a regular customer at work one afternoon, having a deep and meaningful about our children which resulted in us both crying and some rather bizarre looks (but no questions) from my boss and some other patrons, and a $4 bird toy sale.
I look at Jai as he sleeps, his large lips hanging slightly open and his puffy cased eyelids tightly shut flickering around in the midst of REM. I wonder what he dreams, i wonder how he feels, what he thinks of his life.
He is probably dreaming of running into the arms of a complete stranger and giving them a quick warning hug about impending doom from the series of redback spiders that seem invade his mind daily. No. He is more of a glass is half full kid, and the sooner i accept its me with the problem, not him, the better for everyone.
The world passes by my feet without so much as stopping to say hello. The weeks roll past easter rolls past, i go through the motions, but have no particular feelings one way or another about anything much. I find myself enjoying my alone time more and more and having less and less tolerence for pretty much anyone else. I treasure those moments in my car when i am alone and in complete control of everything. I have fantasys of speeding my way through the streets with the police chasing me, and i get something from the knowledge that i can just simply drive into a tree. I wont, but i can. Dont get me wrong, im not suicidel or anything, just looking for some aspect of my life that i can control.
Moments come and go and i make a mental not to add some of these to my auto biography which is destined to stay in my mind forever re surfacing only as fuzzy edged pictures of long lost memories in those few moments before my death.
I spent so much time hell bent on finding a diagnosis for my son that when it all reached its long awaited anti climax i just stopped caring. I have a new found pseudo-acceptence for all things Jaiden, i try to concentrate on the small accomplishments and pretend the rest of life just isnt really happening, i am immune or perhaps simply numb to it, the small but significant differences between him and the rest of the 4yr old population are convieniently ignored and tears are pushed deep back into my throat and i quickly change the subject.
I have become increasingly aware of my habit of befriending other mothers of kids with "problems" the worse the problem the better - i think this is some sort of slighlty disturbing self-medication, it makes my kid look good. I realised this after spending 20min with a regular customer at work one afternoon, having a deep and meaningful about our children which resulted in us both crying and some rather bizarre looks (but no questions) from my boss and some other patrons, and a $4 bird toy sale.
I look at Jai as he sleeps, his large lips hanging slightly open and his puffy cased eyelids tightly shut flickering around in the midst of REM. I wonder what he dreams, i wonder how he feels, what he thinks of his life.
He is probably dreaming of running into the arms of a complete stranger and giving them a quick warning hug about impending doom from the series of redback spiders that seem invade his mind daily. No. He is more of a glass is half full kid, and the sooner i accept its me with the problem, not him, the better for everyone.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
The Black Balloon
I was told about this movie by a friend with an Autistic son,
The trailer made me cry so i hate to think what i will be like when i watch the movie.
The trailer made me cry so i hate to think what i will be like when i watch the movie.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
WORLDS GREATEST SHAVE!
A good friend of mine Libby, will be doing the brave thing and shving her head to raise money for the Leukemia Foundation on Wednesday!
She has lovely long hair so this will be a massive change for her.
This is a link to her "shave page"
http://www.worldsgreatestshave.com/profile.php?id=402564
If anyone wants to post a comment to support her im sure she will be greatful!
We are planning to video it so hopefully i can stick it on You Tube for your viewing pleasure LOL
She has lovely long hair so this will be a massive change for her.
This is a link to her "shave page"
http://www.worldsgreatestshave.com/profile.php?id=402564
If anyone wants to post a comment to support her im sure she will be greatful!
We are planning to video it so hopefully i can stick it on You Tube for your viewing pleasure LOL
Thursday, March 6, 2008
I pushed my way throught the crowded primary school grounds watching children from all walks of life playing together, sharing, yelling at each other, spitting at and looking out for other kids around them. It suddenly dawned on me that these children are the future, the next prime minister, leading doctors, retail assistents, drug addicts and the homeless people of the next generation.
I remember when it was me at primary school,with my dreams of becoming a doctor and curing the world of all its ails. Then a mere decade ago it was me running around, suddenly an invincible teenager with nothing to do but prove how 'right' i was about everything, ditching school to hang out with a band and 'rock n rolling' to the wee hours of the morning whilst my mother thought i was tucked up nicely in bed at a friends house having a sleep over.
Doctor? Nah! Why study when i can just nick off down to the shops and not get caught doing it anyway?
In a way im glad i did my reckless teenage years the way i did, i learned alot and managed to survive, i learned to have a strong work ethic - you dont work, you dont have money, you dont eat and like hell you are going to move back in with your mother! And i have always seemed to have someone up there looking out for me. I met the man of my dreams young i got pregnant young, i married young and i bought a house young. I have watched my special needs child blossom before my eyes and amaze all his doctors and teachers. I have a full heart knowing in myself that he will be ok, not always up there with the others, but he will be OK.
I know i have already acomplished my lifes strongest goals, perhaps i had better make some new ones or be destined to aimlessly wander about the planet until my days run out.
I went to see a new doctor recently about my steadily declining health, a new doctor, strangly recommended to me by Jaidens new EIU teacher. A slightly odd man but very kind, he asked 1000 questions, utterly confused me and did some tests and ordered some more, never once giving me the impression he thought i was crazy. He spent the best part of an hour with me and promised me he will get to the bottom of this, for me and my children. He agrees with the suggestion of the neuro's assistent from long ago and feels this will likely be Multiple Sclerosis, although he going to do his best to disprove his own theory and find me a diagnosis that is less permenent and more manageable. I dragged my stiff legs out of his office and felt relieved that someone had taken the time to listen and actually wanted to help me.
Im heading off now to write myself a list. A list of my shortest term goals, those that i wish to achieve by sundown, clean the bathroom, vacuum the rug and hang out the washing.
I remember when it was me at primary school,with my dreams of becoming a doctor and curing the world of all its ails. Then a mere decade ago it was me running around, suddenly an invincible teenager with nothing to do but prove how 'right' i was about everything, ditching school to hang out with a band and 'rock n rolling' to the wee hours of the morning whilst my mother thought i was tucked up nicely in bed at a friends house having a sleep over.
Doctor? Nah! Why study when i can just nick off down to the shops and not get caught doing it anyway?
In a way im glad i did my reckless teenage years the way i did, i learned alot and managed to survive, i learned to have a strong work ethic - you dont work, you dont have money, you dont eat and like hell you are going to move back in with your mother! And i have always seemed to have someone up there looking out for me. I met the man of my dreams young i got pregnant young, i married young and i bought a house young. I have watched my special needs child blossom before my eyes and amaze all his doctors and teachers. I have a full heart knowing in myself that he will be ok, not always up there with the others, but he will be OK.
I know i have already acomplished my lifes strongest goals, perhaps i had better make some new ones or be destined to aimlessly wander about the planet until my days run out.
I went to see a new doctor recently about my steadily declining health, a new doctor, strangly recommended to me by Jaidens new EIU teacher. A slightly odd man but very kind, he asked 1000 questions, utterly confused me and did some tests and ordered some more, never once giving me the impression he thought i was crazy. He spent the best part of an hour with me and promised me he will get to the bottom of this, for me and my children. He agrees with the suggestion of the neuro's assistent from long ago and feels this will likely be Multiple Sclerosis, although he going to do his best to disprove his own theory and find me a diagnosis that is less permenent and more manageable. I dragged my stiff legs out of his office and felt relieved that someone had taken the time to listen and actually wanted to help me.
Im heading off now to write myself a list. A list of my shortest term goals, those that i wish to achieve by sundown, clean the bathroom, vacuum the rug and hang out the washing.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Thinking outside the square
A small miricle happened in our family today, it seems a light switch has turned on somewhere inside my little boys brain.
It was just another day as I trudged up to the pre-school gates and dragged a screaming 2yr old up to the classroom to collect his brother, as I entered I was beckoned in by a rather excited looking pre-school teacher and ushered towards the back of a classroom where brightly painted self portraits of stick figure children hung pegged to a string running between the concrete walls. Right there, smack bang in the middle there hung a slightly different picture, not of a child not of a dog and shining sun, but of a word. The word was painted in bright colours and ran several times along the sheet of paper, it unmistakably read “JAIDEN”.
This little boy who yesterday could not copy an X could suddenly form every one of the individual letters that make up his name with perfect accuracy.
I gasped and held back tears, “All by himself!” said the pre-school teacher with a huge grin, she told me she had asked them to paint a picture of themselves and Jaiden painted his name! Jai came over and pointed to his masterpiece and said proudly “That’s a picture of ME!”
It certainly is Jai, it certainly is.
It was just another day as I trudged up to the pre-school gates and dragged a screaming 2yr old up to the classroom to collect his brother, as I entered I was beckoned in by a rather excited looking pre-school teacher and ushered towards the back of a classroom where brightly painted self portraits of stick figure children hung pegged to a string running between the concrete walls. Right there, smack bang in the middle there hung a slightly different picture, not of a child not of a dog and shining sun, but of a word. The word was painted in bright colours and ran several times along the sheet of paper, it unmistakably read “JAIDEN”.
This little boy who yesterday could not copy an X could suddenly form every one of the individual letters that make up his name with perfect accuracy.
I gasped and held back tears, “All by himself!” said the pre-school teacher with a huge grin, she told me she had asked them to paint a picture of themselves and Jaiden painted his name! Jai came over and pointed to his masterpiece and said proudly “That’s a picture of ME!”
It certainly is Jai, it certainly is.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Broken heart
My prayers and heart go out to Whitney Troy and Brandon who have just made the hardest decision anyone could ever make.
We love you guys. Anything you need we are here for you.
xxoo
We love you guys. Anything you need we are here for you.
xxoo
Thursday, February 21, 2008
prayers
I dont understand what has happened. Suddenly there are so many people i care about becoming ill, i feel like i am watching the world fall apart and there is nothing i can do about it. I just want to scream STOP! and let life go on as normal.
My prayer list is so long and i just wish there was more i could do :(
My own life has suddenly become rather smooth, i dont understand why i am so lucky and the people i care so much about are not.
So please send special prayers with me to Abi (for upcoming surgery) , Ava, Ava Jewel, Blake and Michaela and of course their wonderful families who's courage empowers us all.
xxoo
My prayer list is so long and i just wish there was more i could do :(
My own life has suddenly become rather smooth, i dont understand why i am so lucky and the people i care so much about are not.
So please send special prayers with me to Abi (for upcoming surgery) , Ava, Ava Jewel, Blake and Michaela and of course their wonderful families who's courage empowers us all.
xxoo
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Luke
My work place is like a child magnet - we have litrally hundreds of children visit over the weekend and many special needs kids too - i tend to spend a bit of extra time with these families, i let them cuddle the puppies, touch a lizard etc.
On saturday afternoon just before we closed, a man and his son came up to the counter to buy some stuff, the dark haired, stocky, short statured but not really plump boy with a big smile grinned up at me and said "Hello!, can i give big Big BIG cuddles to the puppy??" I laughed and immediatly thought that was something Jaiden would say so of course my soft heart obliged and we went and gave a hug to the little fluffball maltese puppy. The little boy started chatting away and i was rather amused as the little boy continued to speak about anything, it became obvious that this little fella was special needs, he started telling me stories and using hand gestures, doing that little funny hands-curled-backwards-on-hips-when-proud thing Jai does. The more he spoke and moved the more it was like talking to Jai. His father briefly apologised for the chatter and i said, dont worry at all, he is so similar to my son, i feel like im talking to him!
the little boy ran up the back to show me the birds and i took note of the way his little head moved side to side and his knees bowed slightly as he ran - Just like Jaiden.
They stayed for about 15 min and we did a little guided tour of the shop and patted the animals, he told me he goes to BIG school now, like his cousin and that he can go really really REALLY fast in the car to school and so fast they FLY there, like birds. He likes birds, but they are a bit loud, he suprised me by spontaniously and correctly naming every bird we had in the room but one which i told him is a 'superb parrot' so now he knows the "SUPER PARROT!" as well.
His dad said he has some topics he just knows backwards, and if i ask any questions id better have a lot of time on my hands!
I told him he was clever knowing all those bird names and he said it was cause he is 5 now and not 4 now, but 5 now and he will be 6 in a minute! I asked him his name and he said "I Luke!, and im 5 now, so i can fly like the 'super parrot'" Lukes dad seemed interested in my few little comparison with Jai comments, and looked as though he wanted to ask questions, but didnt. And nor did I.
They left soon after but promised to come back and visit.
'Luke' definatly doesnt have Williams Syndrome, his face is wrong for that - he has a big mouth and slightly puffy eyes but nothing else, his facial features mostly look like his dads. I do cling to things in my little diagnosis search, but meeting this boy who was basically Jaiden with a different looking head, i think if i can find out what he has i will find out what Jaiden has.
I started work at midday on Sunday, and was informed that in the morning Luke (who was instantly recongnised by a collegue from the previous day) had come back in with his mother and bought some fish and would be back next week for more... Now i just have to figure out if i have the guts to say anything, and if i do what can i say?
On saturday afternoon just before we closed, a man and his son came up to the counter to buy some stuff, the dark haired, stocky, short statured but not really plump boy with a big smile grinned up at me and said "Hello!, can i give big Big BIG cuddles to the puppy??" I laughed and immediatly thought that was something Jaiden would say so of course my soft heart obliged and we went and gave a hug to the little fluffball maltese puppy. The little boy started chatting away and i was rather amused as the little boy continued to speak about anything, it became obvious that this little fella was special needs, he started telling me stories and using hand gestures, doing that little funny hands-curled-backwards-on-hips-when-proud thing Jai does. The more he spoke and moved the more it was like talking to Jai. His father briefly apologised for the chatter and i said, dont worry at all, he is so similar to my son, i feel like im talking to him!
the little boy ran up the back to show me the birds and i took note of the way his little head moved side to side and his knees bowed slightly as he ran - Just like Jaiden.
They stayed for about 15 min and we did a little guided tour of the shop and patted the animals, he told me he goes to BIG school now, like his cousin and that he can go really really REALLY fast in the car to school and so fast they FLY there, like birds. He likes birds, but they are a bit loud, he suprised me by spontaniously and correctly naming every bird we had in the room but one which i told him is a 'superb parrot' so now he knows the "SUPER PARROT!" as well.
His dad said he has some topics he just knows backwards, and if i ask any questions id better have a lot of time on my hands!
I told him he was clever knowing all those bird names and he said it was cause he is 5 now and not 4 now, but 5 now and he will be 6 in a minute! I asked him his name and he said "I Luke!, and im 5 now, so i can fly like the 'super parrot'" Lukes dad seemed interested in my few little comparison with Jai comments, and looked as though he wanted to ask questions, but didnt. And nor did I.
They left soon after but promised to come back and visit.
'Luke' definatly doesnt have Williams Syndrome, his face is wrong for that - he has a big mouth and slightly puffy eyes but nothing else, his facial features mostly look like his dads. I do cling to things in my little diagnosis search, but meeting this boy who was basically Jaiden with a different looking head, i think if i can find out what he has i will find out what Jaiden has.
I started work at midday on Sunday, and was informed that in the morning Luke (who was instantly recongnised by a collegue from the previous day) had come back in with his mother and bought some fish and would be back next week for more... Now i just have to figure out if i have the guts to say anything, and if i do what can i say?
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
First day of pre-school
I am ever amused by Jaiden's tales, the kid might not be the brightest spark but he sure knows how to spin a yarn! I cant believe that not much over a year ago he could only say a few words.
Today was his first day of big boy pre-school, he proudly walked all the way to school with his brand new red dinosaur schoolbag on his back and a big grin on his face. I think i was far more daunted than he was by all the unfamilar people crowding the small pre-school complex. There were small children screaming after there parents and mothers planning their child free days together. Everyone seemed so big. We were welcomed into the classroom and were seated in a carpeted space with several different puzzles to choose from to make with our children before saying goodbye, i located a Jaiden-suitable puzzle and retreated to a back corner of the room where just one lady was building with her son. The lady introduced her son as Nate and i suddenly remembered one of Jaidens EIU teachers had said to look out for a Nate that would be in his class, i asked her if she knew Cathy and she did of course, Canberra is a very small place sometimes. She has 3 sons aswell and as fate would have it her middle son is in Liams Kindy class! Nate and Jai played next to each other in the "kitchen" area for a bit having given up on the puzzles and then it was time to say goodbye. I started to leave with a slightly heavy heart and looked up to see a baby with a dummy smiling at me. Suddenly I realised I had forgotton about poor Lachie strapped into his stroller, just inside the classroom door quietly wondering where on earth mummy had gone, i made a quick recovery and thanks to the abundance of people, nobody seemed to notice my momentary memory lapse - Lachie grinned at me "Lets go, mummy!" and with my heart beating rather fast we made a quick exit.
Lachie went off to Oma's house for the morning and i met up with my mother and went shopping, then it was time to pick up Jai. Mum stayed with Lachie to make sure i wouldnt repeat the mornings embarressing blunder and risk attracting the attention of child services!
I arrived at the pre-school classroom and peered through the window, Jai was sitting beautifully on the matt with the other kids listening to a story, they finished and began pileing out the door, except Jai who was still standing looking around the hallway somewhat confused. It turned out the teacher had told them to check their "craft pockets" for notes to take home, put their drink bottles in their bags and go see mum or dad. He got stuck at the craft pockets and wasnt sure which was his and what to do next. I helped him gather his belongings and we headed down the path towards home. I asked what he had done at school today and this was the response i got:
"We saw lions and a bear and big big biiiig bear! and there was a monster in the bin and miss clarke said no no no! and SMASHED the lid down like this ~makes smacking down motion with both hands~ and then we went on the aeroplane and went high high HIGH in the sky and flew down down down into the water with SPLASH (full hand gestures) and went in the swimming pool, and i like swimming pool."
Today was his first day of big boy pre-school, he proudly walked all the way to school with his brand new red dinosaur schoolbag on his back and a big grin on his face. I think i was far more daunted than he was by all the unfamilar people crowding the small pre-school complex. There were small children screaming after there parents and mothers planning their child free days together. Everyone seemed so big. We were welcomed into the classroom and were seated in a carpeted space with several different puzzles to choose from to make with our children before saying goodbye, i located a Jaiden-suitable puzzle and retreated to a back corner of the room where just one lady was building with her son. The lady introduced her son as Nate and i suddenly remembered one of Jaidens EIU teachers had said to look out for a Nate that would be in his class, i asked her if she knew Cathy and she did of course, Canberra is a very small place sometimes. She has 3 sons aswell and as fate would have it her middle son is in Liams Kindy class! Nate and Jai played next to each other in the "kitchen" area for a bit having given up on the puzzles and then it was time to say goodbye. I started to leave with a slightly heavy heart and looked up to see a baby with a dummy smiling at me. Suddenly I realised I had forgotton about poor Lachie strapped into his stroller, just inside the classroom door quietly wondering where on earth mummy had gone, i made a quick recovery and thanks to the abundance of people, nobody seemed to notice my momentary memory lapse - Lachie grinned at me "Lets go, mummy!" and with my heart beating rather fast we made a quick exit.
Lachie went off to Oma's house for the morning and i met up with my mother and went shopping, then it was time to pick up Jai. Mum stayed with Lachie to make sure i wouldnt repeat the mornings embarressing blunder and risk attracting the attention of child services!
I arrived at the pre-school classroom and peered through the window, Jai was sitting beautifully on the matt with the other kids listening to a story, they finished and began pileing out the door, except Jai who was still standing looking around the hallway somewhat confused. It turned out the teacher had told them to check their "craft pockets" for notes to take home, put their drink bottles in their bags and go see mum or dad. He got stuck at the craft pockets and wasnt sure which was his and what to do next. I helped him gather his belongings and we headed down the path towards home. I asked what he had done at school today and this was the response i got:
"We saw lions and a bear and big big biiiig bear! and there was a monster in the bin and miss clarke said no no no! and SMASHED the lid down like this ~makes smacking down motion with both hands~ and then we went on the aeroplane and went high high HIGH in the sky and flew down down down into the water with SPLASH (full hand gestures) and went in the swimming pool, and i like swimming pool."
Sunday, February 10, 2008
birds are noisy.
I surveyed the room, fish, puppies, birds, bunnies a kitten, various reptiles and more stock than I knew what to do with. Customers? No. Wait, as i looked up the back of a small boys golden curls could be seen bobbing in his fathers arms around the back of the shop, suddenly the child turned around and just as quickly back again. I was immediately struck with the very familiar features of Erick Quinn, and my heart momentarily skipped a beat His father headed over in my direction. The little boy glanced up at me again, his somewhat puffy rather starry eyes just peeking over the top of his fathers shoulder, the small upturned nose, and huge broad grin complete with little teeth followed in quick succession, if there had been any doubt in my mind that this child had Williams syndrome it was quickly quashed by the gruff little voice that erupted from his mouth with some concern, “Noisy” he stated and held his hands to his ears and looked towards the bird room at the other end of the store, “Yep”, I replied, “very noisy!”
I am pretty sure that his father thought I was completely mad as I could not take my eyes off his gorgeous son’s oh so familiar face while I was trying to stay focused and answer some serious questions he had about the care of the Eastern Long Necked Tortoise.
As he left I commented that his son had such beautiful starry eyes and it was nice to see such a happy little smile. I got a rather odd look and the man’s mouth opened as if to say something and then closed again as if he had thought better of it. I hope I didn’t come across as a weirdo stalker type.
After the customer had left a collegue walked up to me and said “That kid was a cutie, kind of looked like your middle one, don’t you reckon?” – If only she knew.
I am pretty sure that his father thought I was completely mad as I could not take my eyes off his gorgeous son’s oh so familiar face while I was trying to stay focused and answer some serious questions he had about the care of the Eastern Long Necked Tortoise.
As he left I commented that his son had such beautiful starry eyes and it was nice to see such a happy little smile. I got a rather odd look and the man’s mouth opened as if to say something and then closed again as if he had thought better of it. I hope I didn’t come across as a weirdo stalker type.
After the customer had left a collegue walked up to me and said “That kid was a cutie, kind of looked like your middle one, don’t you reckon?” – If only she knew.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Fly the nest..
I dont know where the last 5 1/2 years have gone, one minute im a scared teenager holding a baby thinking "what the hell do i do with it?" the next im kissing my first born on the head and wishing him well on his first day of Kindagarten.
Liam shook me from my slumber bright and early, 5:30am to be exact, already dressed in his bottle green shorts, white shirt and bottle green hat, wearing his brand new spiderman backpack complete with bright blue drink bottle. "Can we go yet mum??"
Huh?? was my sleepy response before realising that it was the first day of the rest of Liams schooling life - 5 days a week for at least the next 13years. Wow.
I convinced Liam to remove his bag and hat and go and watch some cartoons on TV while Holger and I got up and ready. The next 3 hours passed slowly for Liam and quickly for me as i made triple sure he had all of the supplies on the list from his school, made lunch and recess... and afternoon tea (how many breaks do they get!?)
Lorelai and Therese arrived and Therese stayed with the kids so that I could go alone with Li. We drove the 200metres to the school as it was raining very heavily and thanks to a certain middle child (who's name i wont mention)my Umbrella has been declared no longer useable. Only Kindy kids were starting so the school was full of very small bewildered and excited children in oversized uniforms and slightly sad looking parents, i followed some people to the Library where we took our seats next to a little boy from Li's preschool class. We listened to the principle explain how he and his staff would make a better world with his students at the forefront and were then introduced to the staff. The children were called to their teachers for the year and we all followed down to their new classroom.
The kids were shown where to hang their bags and where to place their drinks and lunchboxes and we came in to play a quick game with them before we were ushered out the door.
With a quick cuddle and a "bye mum" he was officially a big boy. I didnt cry.
Much.
Liam shook me from my slumber bright and early, 5:30am to be exact, already dressed in his bottle green shorts, white shirt and bottle green hat, wearing his brand new spiderman backpack complete with bright blue drink bottle. "Can we go yet mum??"
Huh?? was my sleepy response before realising that it was the first day of the rest of Liams schooling life - 5 days a week for at least the next 13years. Wow.
I convinced Liam to remove his bag and hat and go and watch some cartoons on TV while Holger and I got up and ready. The next 3 hours passed slowly for Liam and quickly for me as i made triple sure he had all of the supplies on the list from his school, made lunch and recess... and afternoon tea (how many breaks do they get!?)
Lorelai and Therese arrived and Therese stayed with the kids so that I could go alone with Li. We drove the 200metres to the school as it was raining very heavily and thanks to a certain middle child (who's name i wont mention)my Umbrella has been declared no longer useable. Only Kindy kids were starting so the school was full of very small bewildered and excited children in oversized uniforms and slightly sad looking parents, i followed some people to the Library where we took our seats next to a little boy from Li's preschool class. We listened to the principle explain how he and his staff would make a better world with his students at the forefront and were then introduced to the staff. The children were called to their teachers for the year and we all followed down to their new classroom.
The kids were shown where to hang their bags and where to place their drinks and lunchboxes and we came in to play a quick game with them before we were ushered out the door.
With a quick cuddle and a "bye mum" he was officially a big boy. I didnt cry.
Much.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Speech Assessment
Jai had his speech assessment yesterday and he did BRILLIANTLY!
The problem areas were the receptive language, following multistep instructions and directions up/under/next to etc. Wh questions although Leanne couldnt get over how much he has improved from absolutely no 'Wh' comprehension 6 months ago and to think 12mnths ago he could barely talk at all :) Basically we dont have to go back for a month and we are to keep on with what we have been doing as its working!
Im so proud of him and he got a dinosaur stamp and a spiderman sticker, so he was pretty happy too!
Liam starts Kindagarten on Monday and Jai preschool the following week - they are all growing up so fast!!!
February is going to be busy, Li starts kindy, pre-school+ EIU IEP meetings, Pre-school & EIU! Developmental Paed, Speech, Multi Diciplinary Therepy Assesment, Jais Opthamology appt - Augghhh, thankgoodness i have a large calander!
The problem areas were the receptive language, following multistep instructions and directions up/under/next to etc. Wh questions although Leanne couldnt get over how much he has improved from absolutely no 'Wh' comprehension 6 months ago and to think 12mnths ago he could barely talk at all :) Basically we dont have to go back for a month and we are to keep on with what we have been doing as its working!
Im so proud of him and he got a dinosaur stamp and a spiderman sticker, so he was pretty happy too!
Liam starts Kindagarten on Monday and Jai preschool the following week - they are all growing up so fast!!!
February is going to be busy, Li starts kindy, pre-school+ EIU IEP meetings, Pre-school & EIU! Developmental Paed, Speech, Multi Diciplinary Therepy Assesment, Jais Opthamology appt - Augghhh, thankgoodness i have a large calander!
Monday, January 28, 2008
who am i anyway?
“Try to not let your mind wander, it’s much too small to be out on it’s own.”- Quote from a T-shirt
I have always found the scariest thought the one of losing your mind.
Your mind is your personal sanctuary the only thing you can truly claim as yours and yours only.
I have never had a great memory, I found it very hard to study at school which is in part why I left so early, I used to be a very big reader and as I get older I find I am having a lot of trouble reading more than a few pages in a book – I can read the words but am not able to always make sense of them.
I have kind of been living in blissful ignorance to the deteriorating state of my mind and short term memory, I suppose I am aware that I have been getting more forgetful about simple things – I have a pretty busy life and a lot on my mind, I leave the stove on, I forget appointments, peoples names, if I get distracted in the middle of something then the original thought is lost and so on – but so does everyone else… It has slowly become part of my daily life that I have to be more aware of – we talk about picture schedules for the kids and I think I need them for myself! Without the help of my trusty calendar I would probably be wandering aimlessly in a desert somewhere wondering how on earth I got there.
I recently had a conversation with somebody about loving old cars and was desperately trying to remember what type of car my Pop had that he had loved so much he had buried it in his backyard when it finally died. I sent an E-mail to my mum asking her to ask my Dad for me, that was about a week ago. Any way I went over to their house yesterday for Australia Day and asked mum if she had asked dad yet and I got a rather bewildered look in reply, I asked her if she hadn’t received the E-mail and she said she had and Dad had phoned me and told me the answer and then I had spoken to her for awhile. I honestly thought she was joking for some reason and when I confronted dad about it he told me that he rang me about it and to ask mum as she was sitting next to him and had spoken to me after. I have absolutely NO recollection of this phone call taking place, I had still been wondering on a daily basis while checking my e-mails why she hadn’t replied yet.
To top it off after I got home thinking perhaps my parents had been talking to a wrong number for 20min and they were just humouring them or something, Holger claims to remember this phone call occurring.
How can you just completely lose an entire phone conversation? It makes me wonder, what else am I forgetting?
By the way, in case I forget again – It’s a 1936 Black coloured… CRAP! … I think I wrote it down somewhere…
I have always found the scariest thought the one of losing your mind.
Your mind is your personal sanctuary the only thing you can truly claim as yours and yours only.
I have never had a great memory, I found it very hard to study at school which is in part why I left so early, I used to be a very big reader and as I get older I find I am having a lot of trouble reading more than a few pages in a book – I can read the words but am not able to always make sense of them.
I have kind of been living in blissful ignorance to the deteriorating state of my mind and short term memory, I suppose I am aware that I have been getting more forgetful about simple things – I have a pretty busy life and a lot on my mind, I leave the stove on, I forget appointments, peoples names, if I get distracted in the middle of something then the original thought is lost and so on – but so does everyone else… It has slowly become part of my daily life that I have to be more aware of – we talk about picture schedules for the kids and I think I need them for myself! Without the help of my trusty calendar I would probably be wandering aimlessly in a desert somewhere wondering how on earth I got there.
I recently had a conversation with somebody about loving old cars and was desperately trying to remember what type of car my Pop had that he had loved so much he had buried it in his backyard when it finally died. I sent an E-mail to my mum asking her to ask my Dad for me, that was about a week ago. Any way I went over to their house yesterday for Australia Day and asked mum if she had asked dad yet and I got a rather bewildered look in reply, I asked her if she hadn’t received the E-mail and she said she had and Dad had phoned me and told me the answer and then I had spoken to her for awhile. I honestly thought she was joking for some reason and when I confronted dad about it he told me that he rang me about it and to ask mum as she was sitting next to him and had spoken to me after. I have absolutely NO recollection of this phone call taking place, I had still been wondering on a daily basis while checking my e-mails why she hadn’t replied yet.
To top it off after I got home thinking perhaps my parents had been talking to a wrong number for 20min and they were just humouring them or something, Holger claims to remember this phone call occurring.
How can you just completely lose an entire phone conversation? It makes me wonder, what else am I forgetting?
By the way, in case I forget again – It’s a 1936 Black coloured… CRAP! … I think I wrote it down somewhere…
Thursday, January 24, 2008
SORRY!
Oh great,
now ive gone and offended Ned Portune.
SORRY. I didnt mean it like that. I was trying to help!!
Im one of those people who has to think about something for 24hrs before taking action or i stick my foot right in it.
Hope you guys can forgive me!?
> INSERT PICTURE OF ME DOING THAT FRAZZLED LOOK AMY DID HERE <
now ive gone and offended Ned Portune.
SORRY. I didnt mean it like that. I was trying to help!!
Im one of those people who has to think about something for 24hrs before taking action or i stick my foot right in it.
Hope you guys can forgive me!?
> INSERT PICTURE OF ME DOING THAT FRAZZLED LOOK AMY DID HERE <
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
We had come so far.
I look around the lounge room at the brightly coloured posters on the wall advertising a world of knowledge and education, Shapes, Colours and various species of Dinosaurs threatening to transform the average toddler into a child prodigy.
I take these posters in for a minute, noticing the tattered corners where thumbtacks had ripped through and sigh when I think that they are only a week old and they have already been stripped off the bright green wall of their owner’s bedroom with total disrespect, or is it just that absolute inability to restrain oneself?
When I was young I had a dream of how my life would be, how my children would be. We all had a dream of our ‘perfect children’. Mine, was the intelligent child, I would start my family at age 27, The children would learn to read by age 4, call all dogs by their breed name “What a nice Border Collie you have their sir.” We would live in a nice house, decorated with a country feel and drive a nice car. They would be attentive, attractive and fun. They would ask questions about nature and enjoy lying on the grass and looking up at the clouds wondering about world. There room would be painted bright colours and educational posters would hang on the wall, model aeroplanes from the ceiling and we would read 5 books a night.
I pictured myself laughing with them and taking them out on excursions to museums and nature walks through the great Australian Bush, teaching them all I could about the world around them. they would then sail through school, travel the world, get well paying jobs, marry well, buy a house and raise a family.
It started off a little differently, at 17 I found myself in a long term relationship and pregnant. Liam was born and I was confronted with the reality check “oh my god I have to look after this, it’s a real baby, I cant kill it, its not like a goldfish, I cant just replace it.” Liam grew and did everything as he should. When he was 6 months old I found myself pregnant again, oops.. that had happened a little quicker than planned. The pregnancy passed with little fuss, the baby never moved much, the labour was quick and pretty painless. I found myself with a surge of emotions, holding this new baby in my arms. He was tiny and fragile and silent and I felt an overwhelming urge to protect him no matter what, I hadn’t had that urge the first time. Jaiden seemed different to Liam, something wasn’t quite right.
I think about my dream life now and find it strange that what I wanted so badly is often far from my reality. Every now and then I still try to incorporate a little bit of this dream into real life.
When we bought our cosy 3 bedroom home, I felt that dream come back to me a little. The real estate agent parked in the driveway with his shiny BMW and welcomed us through the front door, we were greeted by the fragerence of scented candles and beautiful country style décor complete with pretty wall borders we knew we were home.
We sealed the deal that very night and moved in just 6 weeks later.
Within a very short time Jaidens development, or rather lack of, was becoming steadily more concerning and we noticed a new, unwittingly destructive nature. He would constantly pick at himself, mosquito bites would never heal, toe nails and finger nails would be ripped at and my fancy country borders were ripped to shreds. The brightly coloured posters and wall stickers in the nursery were peeled off and ruined. Curtains and blinds were detatched from their fittings, books torn.
Nothing was sacred. My beautiful house went from exciting new home to the depressing picture of an earthquakes epicentre. My 2 yr old child couldn’t speak or even wave goodbye, he almost never cried, all he seemed to know how to do was walk, spin stuff, mouth stuff, rip stuff and then all the while hypnotize you with his enchanting blue eyes and wide smile. He never seemed to sleep at night.
Now it seems that destructive side has finally settled down, we can keep the books down from the top of cupboards without the fear of their total annihilation, but the newly painted walls and missing curtains provide a very blank canvas.
I decided it was time to reach into my old dream again.
The new posters shon brightly from their place on the bedroom wall and the look of complete joy on 3 cheeky little faces gave me a sense of satisfaction and fulfilment.
Then a minor routine change, that was all it took for the posters to be torn down, a book ripped to shreds, several meltdowns and a then, this afternoon, a complete hands over ears, screaming flip out because the microwave beeped. We had come so far.
I have carefully remove the embedded thumbtacks from the bedroom carpet and pushed them back into the brightly coloured educational posters now finding their home in the lounge room where this last little shred of my far away dream can be closely guarded, until I am forced to give it away forever and succumb to the real world I must learn to live in.
I take these posters in for a minute, noticing the tattered corners where thumbtacks had ripped through and sigh when I think that they are only a week old and they have already been stripped off the bright green wall of their owner’s bedroom with total disrespect, or is it just that absolute inability to restrain oneself?
When I was young I had a dream of how my life would be, how my children would be. We all had a dream of our ‘perfect children’. Mine, was the intelligent child, I would start my family at age 27, The children would learn to read by age 4, call all dogs by their breed name “What a nice Border Collie you have their sir.” We would live in a nice house, decorated with a country feel and drive a nice car. They would be attentive, attractive and fun. They would ask questions about nature and enjoy lying on the grass and looking up at the clouds wondering about world. There room would be painted bright colours and educational posters would hang on the wall, model aeroplanes from the ceiling and we would read 5 books a night.
I pictured myself laughing with them and taking them out on excursions to museums and nature walks through the great Australian Bush, teaching them all I could about the world around them. they would then sail through school, travel the world, get well paying jobs, marry well, buy a house and raise a family.
It started off a little differently, at 17 I found myself in a long term relationship and pregnant. Liam was born and I was confronted with the reality check “oh my god I have to look after this, it’s a real baby, I cant kill it, its not like a goldfish, I cant just replace it.” Liam grew and did everything as he should. When he was 6 months old I found myself pregnant again, oops.. that had happened a little quicker than planned. The pregnancy passed with little fuss, the baby never moved much, the labour was quick and pretty painless. I found myself with a surge of emotions, holding this new baby in my arms. He was tiny and fragile and silent and I felt an overwhelming urge to protect him no matter what, I hadn’t had that urge the first time. Jaiden seemed different to Liam, something wasn’t quite right.
I think about my dream life now and find it strange that what I wanted so badly is often far from my reality. Every now and then I still try to incorporate a little bit of this dream into real life.
When we bought our cosy 3 bedroom home, I felt that dream come back to me a little. The real estate agent parked in the driveway with his shiny BMW and welcomed us through the front door, we were greeted by the fragerence of scented candles and beautiful country style décor complete with pretty wall borders we knew we were home.
We sealed the deal that very night and moved in just 6 weeks later.
Within a very short time Jaidens development, or rather lack of, was becoming steadily more concerning and we noticed a new, unwittingly destructive nature. He would constantly pick at himself, mosquito bites would never heal, toe nails and finger nails would be ripped at and my fancy country borders were ripped to shreds. The brightly coloured posters and wall stickers in the nursery were peeled off and ruined. Curtains and blinds were detatched from their fittings, books torn.
Nothing was sacred. My beautiful house went from exciting new home to the depressing picture of an earthquakes epicentre. My 2 yr old child couldn’t speak or even wave goodbye, he almost never cried, all he seemed to know how to do was walk, spin stuff, mouth stuff, rip stuff and then all the while hypnotize you with his enchanting blue eyes and wide smile. He never seemed to sleep at night.
Now it seems that destructive side has finally settled down, we can keep the books down from the top of cupboards without the fear of their total annihilation, but the newly painted walls and missing curtains provide a very blank canvas.
I decided it was time to reach into my old dream again.
The new posters shon brightly from their place on the bedroom wall and the look of complete joy on 3 cheeky little faces gave me a sense of satisfaction and fulfilment.
Then a minor routine change, that was all it took for the posters to be torn down, a book ripped to shreds, several meltdowns and a then, this afternoon, a complete hands over ears, screaming flip out because the microwave beeped. We had come so far.
I have carefully remove the embedded thumbtacks from the bedroom carpet and pushed them back into the brightly coloured educational posters now finding their home in the lounge room where this last little shred of my far away dream can be closely guarded, until I am forced to give it away forever and succumb to the real world I must learn to live in.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
And for my 80th post...
I present you with a website address:
http://z15.invisionfree.com/Our_Island/index.php?act=idx
This is a link to a forum i just made called "The Island".
Since we all chat i thought it might be nice to do it in a forum!
Sign up for membership and come on in - the only thing missing are the Cobana Boys,(im working on that!)
http://z15.invisionfree.com/Our_Island/index.php?act=idx
This is a link to a forum i just made called "The Island".
Since we all chat i thought it might be nice to do it in a forum!
Sign up for membership and come on in - the only thing missing are the Cobana Boys,(im working on that!)
7 Weird things...
Im following the trend and doing 7 weird things about me, im sure i have more than 7 but here goes...
1. I have this compulsive need to colour match pegs when i hang out washing and will go to the extent of not hanging out that last T-shirt if the pegs are a different colour!!
2. I HATE people coming over un announced as i am paranoid about what they will think of my house, (i get it from my mother) when ever somebody comes over i go in a mad cleaning frenzy panic! I actually avoided inviting Liams best friend and his mother over for months because we went to their house once and it was so immaculate i was terrified about what they would think of my place!
3. I love animals, i have always had lots of pets and i have a collection of about 15empty fish tanks in my garage of various sizes for potential future use (this will probably only happen if i divorce Holger or he dies!)
4. I can play very simple tunes but not play well on many differnt instruments (by ear only) and have owned the following: Clarinet, Flute, Saxaphone, Euphonium, Tuba, Accousitic Guitar, Bass Guitar, recorder and French horn, my latest aqusition is a Piano, which i am determined to learn to play properly!
5. I can say the alphabet backwards in under 5 seconds - this one i learned from my mother back in kindigarten and have slowly improved the speed over the years!
6. I have had a slight head cold since mid 2005, it varies in intensity but is ever present.
7. I love building websites on microsoft frontpage and have made heaps on varying topics, published them and then have gotton bored of them in a month or so and never updated them!
1. I have this compulsive need to colour match pegs when i hang out washing and will go to the extent of not hanging out that last T-shirt if the pegs are a different colour!!
2. I HATE people coming over un announced as i am paranoid about what they will think of my house, (i get it from my mother) when ever somebody comes over i go in a mad cleaning frenzy panic! I actually avoided inviting Liams best friend and his mother over for months because we went to their house once and it was so immaculate i was terrified about what they would think of my place!
3. I love animals, i have always had lots of pets and i have a collection of about 15empty fish tanks in my garage of various sizes for potential future use (this will probably only happen if i divorce Holger or he dies!)
4. I can play very simple tunes but not play well on many differnt instruments (by ear only) and have owned the following: Clarinet, Flute, Saxaphone, Euphonium, Tuba, Accousitic Guitar, Bass Guitar, recorder and French horn, my latest aqusition is a Piano, which i am determined to learn to play properly!
5. I can say the alphabet backwards in under 5 seconds - this one i learned from my mother back in kindigarten and have slowly improved the speed over the years!
6. I have had a slight head cold since mid 2005, it varies in intensity but is ever present.
7. I love building websites on microsoft frontpage and have made heaps on varying topics, published them and then have gotton bored of them in a month or so and never updated them!
Happy Birthday Lachie!!
Aww.. my littlest man has hit the big "2"! And he has the big attitude to match!
I had an awful headache in the morning and Holger came home from work early to let me sleep it off, and get this, While i was asleep he made the cake! Iced it and everything!! Bob the Builder - i am so impressed :)
In away it feels like Lachie has been 2 forever, i just cant get over this amazing development you get in a 'normal' baby, it had been too long since Liam and i forget, i am really trying to treasure it and stop that little voice in my head that starts thinking if only Jai had been like this...
Its funny i have always called Lachie my baby and yesterday when i did he suddenly turns around and says abruptly "I NOT A BABY MUM, I A BIG BOY, I TWO!" then a smug little look appears on his face and he says "I HAD BIRTHDAY!!" Cheeky Monkey...
Monday, January 14, 2008
Thanks ladies :)
Ok.
I got a reply from Marisol and she said Dr Morris said i could send a photo so that she can take a look and see what she thought and also if there were any other tests she could reccomend. :) So i have just done that!
So thanks for the suggestion to e-mail her, i feel much better :)
I got a reply from Marisol and she said Dr Morris said i could send a photo so that she can take a look and see what she thought and also if there were any other tests she could reccomend. :) So i have just done that!
So thanks for the suggestion to e-mail her, i feel much better :)
Sunday, January 13, 2008
My Island Home...
So it turns out Islands arnt as expensive as i had first thought in fact $3.5M will buy you a very nice tropical paradise in Nova Scotia!
Im not entirely sure that i feel that 3.5Million is a reachable goal, but it sounds much cheaper than the 10s of Millions i was expecting...
So here are the 10 sure steps to successful Island owning:
1.Lose several hundred pounds and get plastic surgery.
2.Aquire designer clothes.
3.Attend acting school.
4.Move to Hollywood .
5.Land a leading role in a major motion picture.
6.Recieve paycheck
7. Buy Island!
8. Purchase Large Yacht to access Island
9.Hire several Cabana boys as hired help and light entertainment
10.Make a killer martini and relax!
hmm... I like this one:
"Mouton Island, Nova Scotia
This island is situated in the natural bay of Port Mouton, 3 km from the mainland. It covers an area of 988 acres, 75% of which are wooded. Some of the forest could be cleared to make space for an airstrip. A third of the coastline is gorgeous white sandy beach, similar to the beaches familiar from the Caribbean. A mainland lot is included.
Mouton Island has the best and the mildest Atlantic clima¬te due to the influence of the Gulf Stream with temperatures between 18° and 30° C from May to October. Moreover, this unique jewel of natural beauty has two small freshwater lakes and ample drinking water.
Mouton Island is the largest private island on the east coast of the American continent. The island lies 43° north is only 15 minutes from the town of Liverpool, which offers everything for your personal needs: a hospital, doctors, chemists, hardware stores, supermarkets, pubs, a disco, a theatre, Shops and more.
save to my islands view my islands bookmark this page "
Im not entirely sure that i feel that 3.5Million is a reachable goal, but it sounds much cheaper than the 10s of Millions i was expecting...
So here are the 10 sure steps to successful Island owning:
1.Lose several hundred pounds and get plastic surgery.
2.Aquire designer clothes.
3.Attend acting school.
4.Move to Hollywood .
5.Land a leading role in a major motion picture.
6.Recieve paycheck
7. Buy Island!
8. Purchase Large Yacht to access Island
9.Hire several Cabana boys as hired help and light entertainment
10.Make a killer martini and relax!
hmm... I like this one:
"Mouton Island, Nova Scotia
This island is situated in the natural bay of Port Mouton, 3 km from the mainland. It covers an area of 988 acres, 75% of which are wooded. Some of the forest could be cleared to make space for an airstrip. A third of the coastline is gorgeous white sandy beach, similar to the beaches familiar from the Caribbean. A mainland lot is included.
Mouton Island has the best and the mildest Atlantic clima¬te due to the influence of the Gulf Stream with temperatures between 18° and 30° C from May to October. Moreover, this unique jewel of natural beauty has two small freshwater lakes and ample drinking water.
Mouton Island is the largest private island on the east coast of the American continent. The island lies 43° north is only 15 minutes from the town of Liverpool, which offers everything for your personal needs: a hospital, doctors, chemists, hardware stores, supermarkets, pubs, a disco, a theatre, Shops and more.
save to my islands view my islands bookmark this page "
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Stupid Question...
Small favour...
Can the next person heading up to Louisville to see Dr M do me a very quick favour and ask if a FISH test done on 7q11.3 rather than 7q11.23 would still show a diagnosis of WS?
Im sure its correct but wouldnt hurt to ask...
Can the next person heading up to Louisville to see Dr M do me a very quick favour and ask if a FISH test done on 7q11.3 rather than 7q11.23 would still show a diagnosis of WS?
Im sure its correct but wouldnt hurt to ask...
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Well i guess that is that then.
I got sick of all the waiting yesterday and i decided to call the Genetisists office to find out if they could shed some light on when i might recieve the results. I was informed that they hadnt arrived yet, but they would be certain to phone me as soon as they did and would arrange an appointment to have the results read as opposed to sending a letter, she went through a few reasons for the possible delay and said she was sure it wouldnt be much longer, i got off the phone feeling strangly calmer than in the last few weeks.
Today was the first day that i watched the postman put mail in the letterbox and i didnt rush out to grab it with a pounding heart, and instead let it sit.
I decided to grab the letter out as i was waving goodbye to Lorelai and my heart skipped a beat when i saw the Hospitals logo on the envolope, and the Genetics Dept stamp on the back. I ripped it open and read the words:
".....All results were normal and at present, a specific cause for his developmental delay is unclear....."
At a moment when i probably should have been jumping for joy and singing i instead felt like i had been punched in the chest and promptly burst into tears.
It just feels like such an anti climax. I was so sure.
I had prepared myself to read the news either way until the phone call the previous day threw me out of wack and into a false sense of letterbox-opening security.
Come on Katie, This is a good thing!
Is it?
I have reached such an understanding of WS now that i think i could write a thesus on the topic.
Where do we go from here?
I am selfishly imagining all the people around me saying: "i told you there was nothing to worry about, i KNEW he would be alright" and those are NOT words of comfort. I feel stupid for letting myself become so involved without any 'proof' of the mystery ailment of my unique little son.
WS just explained everything - exept perhaps the nose.
The geneticist has made a list of his various irregular features in the letter and noted that he wishes to review Jai in 1-2yrs time. He had told us at the appointment that if these tests were negative he still felt we were dealing with some sort of Genetic thing, as although all his quirks are minor he has ALOT of them.
The only thing on the letter that i thought was slightly odd is that they reffered to the FISH as for 7q11.3 twice in the paperwork - i thought it was 7q11.23 - Although i am obviously not the one with all the degrees hanging on my wall so i can assume this doesnt make a difference or it is a typo.
Its probably just denial... What is wrong with me - Denial is a grief stage and i certainly shouldnt be grieving right now.
I have been so lucky to "meet" all of you and thank you whole heartedly for putting up with my ramblings, i love you and your children so much and if all of this was just a way to meet a bunch of wonderful people then i am glad it happened.
Today was the first day that i watched the postman put mail in the letterbox and i didnt rush out to grab it with a pounding heart, and instead let it sit.
I decided to grab the letter out as i was waving goodbye to Lorelai and my heart skipped a beat when i saw the Hospitals logo on the envolope, and the Genetics Dept stamp on the back. I ripped it open and read the words:
".....All results were normal and at present, a specific cause for his developmental delay is unclear....."
At a moment when i probably should have been jumping for joy and singing i instead felt like i had been punched in the chest and promptly burst into tears.
It just feels like such an anti climax. I was so sure.
I had prepared myself to read the news either way until the phone call the previous day threw me out of wack and into a false sense of letterbox-opening security.
Come on Katie, This is a good thing!
Is it?
I have reached such an understanding of WS now that i think i could write a thesus on the topic.
Where do we go from here?
I am selfishly imagining all the people around me saying: "i told you there was nothing to worry about, i KNEW he would be alright" and those are NOT words of comfort. I feel stupid for letting myself become so involved without any 'proof' of the mystery ailment of my unique little son.
WS just explained everything - exept perhaps the nose.
The geneticist has made a list of his various irregular features in the letter and noted that he wishes to review Jai in 1-2yrs time. He had told us at the appointment that if these tests were negative he still felt we were dealing with some sort of Genetic thing, as although all his quirks are minor he has ALOT of them.
The only thing on the letter that i thought was slightly odd is that they reffered to the FISH as for 7q11.3 twice in the paperwork - i thought it was 7q11.23 - Although i am obviously not the one with all the degrees hanging on my wall so i can assume this doesnt make a difference or it is a typo.
Its probably just denial... What is wrong with me - Denial is a grief stage and i certainly shouldnt be grieving right now.
I have been so lucky to "meet" all of you and thank you whole heartedly for putting up with my ramblings, i love you and your children so much and if all of this was just a way to meet a bunch of wonderful people then i am glad it happened.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Hello, long time no update! We have been pretty busy down under – Holger had a few weeks off work so we have enjoyed being able to spend time together as a family for the first time in ages.
First of all, No -we havnt had the results yet - the office re-opens today so hopefully we should have the news this week!? Ive been saying that alot recently - perhaps the results were negative and so they decided not to call and will only send out a letter...?
Christmas day was lovely, the kids woke at the crack of dawn to overflowing Christmas Stockings – for some reason Santa decided to include whistles this year so the house was ringing at 6am!
The kids got heaps of presents and Jai’s favourites are a keyboard with a microphone – he just sits there banging away and singing for AGES (poor neighbours), he also likes a dinosaur my mum gave him that roars, has flashing eyes and walks – he presses the button watches it walk, laughs at the roaring and pushes the button again.. Another pressie that was a hit was a tent with a tunnel and tepee that a friend got the boys, Jai spent ages crawling through the tunnel with his cat (she is still a kitten at heart and the tunnel crinkles as she goes through it). He also got a Pirate play set and genuinely TRIED to play with it but it wasn’t cooporating the way he thought it should so he screamed at it , made me put it away and told me that he doesn’t like it – despite that of course Liam isn’t allowed to play with it!
Liam got a walking Dinosaur too and decided to aim both the dinosaurs at each other and set them going so they could fight. Boys! Lachie was a bit cranky because HE didn’t get a dinosaur of his own but has been quite happy with his Bob the Builder dress up and tool kit – he loves “Biwding wiv my tools!” The main pressie we bought for the kids hasn’t arrived yet – should be any day now, its a huge 14ft Round Trampoline with a safety net around it, our neighbours have one and the kids LOVE it and they are 9, 12 and 14 –so we figure we should get a fair bit of use out of it!
The 27th was my Birthday and my Sister in Law took the boys over night for us so we could go out to dinner and sleep in! It was a lovely dinner and Holger surprised me in the morning by having a fully cooked breakfast with fresh fruit and a bunch of flowers on the table waiting for me when i woke up. He isn’t usually the romantic type so this was a pretty big deal!
We had a quiet New Years, managed to stay awake just long enough to watch the fireworks decend over Sydney Harbour on TV and went to bed – LOL Im getting old!
We went down to the South Coast on the 3rd for a night as a spur of the moment need to get out of the house – unfortunately i probably should have read the weather forcast as it was cold and raining the whole time.. Oh well it got us out of the house at least!
The weather here is good for Camels but im over it – i hate Summer! Then again, I hate Winter, I have to rake up too many leaves in Autumn and Spring is always windy. LOL I think I just complain too much! Give me a tropical island that is 25 degrees (Celcius) all year round. Ahhhh
I think Jai might be having a bit of a learning burst, he just seemed to understand so much more of what i am saying at the moment and is responding appropriately – we had a pretty long conversation this morning and he really seemed to ‘get’ all of it. He is also now able to swap his "baby voice" he tends to speak with, for a "big boy voice" when asked to - his real voice is actually quite deep and im so used to this high pitch baby voice that he normally has, it sounds quite funny coming out of his mouth!
Well thats us up to date! Happy New Year everyone!
First of all, No -we havnt had the results yet - the office re-opens today so hopefully we should have the news this week!? Ive been saying that alot recently - perhaps the results were negative and so they decided not to call and will only send out a letter...?
Christmas day was lovely, the kids woke at the crack of dawn to overflowing Christmas Stockings – for some reason Santa decided to include whistles this year so the house was ringing at 6am!
The kids got heaps of presents and Jai’s favourites are a keyboard with a microphone – he just sits there banging away and singing for AGES (poor neighbours), he also likes a dinosaur my mum gave him that roars, has flashing eyes and walks – he presses the button watches it walk, laughs at the roaring and pushes the button again.. Another pressie that was a hit was a tent with a tunnel and tepee that a friend got the boys, Jai spent ages crawling through the tunnel with his cat (she is still a kitten at heart and the tunnel crinkles as she goes through it). He also got a Pirate play set and genuinely TRIED to play with it but it wasn’t cooporating the way he thought it should so he screamed at it , made me put it away and told me that he doesn’t like it – despite that of course Liam isn’t allowed to play with it!
Liam got a walking Dinosaur too and decided to aim both the dinosaurs at each other and set them going so they could fight. Boys! Lachie was a bit cranky because HE didn’t get a dinosaur of his own but has been quite happy with his Bob the Builder dress up and tool kit – he loves “Biwding wiv my tools!” The main pressie we bought for the kids hasn’t arrived yet – should be any day now, its a huge 14ft Round Trampoline with a safety net around it, our neighbours have one and the kids LOVE it and they are 9, 12 and 14 –so we figure we should get a fair bit of use out of it!
The 27th was my Birthday and my Sister in Law took the boys over night for us so we could go out to dinner and sleep in! It was a lovely dinner and Holger surprised me in the morning by having a fully cooked breakfast with fresh fruit and a bunch of flowers on the table waiting for me when i woke up. He isn’t usually the romantic type so this was a pretty big deal!
We had a quiet New Years, managed to stay awake just long enough to watch the fireworks decend over Sydney Harbour on TV and went to bed – LOL Im getting old!
We went down to the South Coast on the 3rd for a night as a spur of the moment need to get out of the house – unfortunately i probably should have read the weather forcast as it was cold and raining the whole time.. Oh well it got us out of the house at least!
The weather here is good for Camels but im over it – i hate Summer! Then again, I hate Winter, I have to rake up too many leaves in Autumn and Spring is always windy. LOL I think I just complain too much! Give me a tropical island that is 25 degrees (Celcius) all year round. Ahhhh
I think Jai might be having a bit of a learning burst, he just seemed to understand so much more of what i am saying at the moment and is responding appropriately – we had a pretty long conversation this morning and he really seemed to ‘get’ all of it. He is also now able to swap his "baby voice" he tends to speak with, for a "big boy voice" when asked to - his real voice is actually quite deep and im so used to this high pitch baby voice that he normally has, it sounds quite funny coming out of his mouth!
Well thats us up to date! Happy New Year everyone!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
