A friend of mine has three beautiful kids and i think that her middle one might be mildly Autistic. I think she thinks it too, but she hasnt said anything and i dont really know if i can say anything... Her little girl is nearly 3 and fairly affectionate to her parents but wont look you in the eye, doesnt speak and does that Autistic style gesture thing, you know what i mean. Having known a few Autistic kids over the last few years i am getting those alarm bells ringing... I dont know what to say, this feels stupid coming from me but She told me today that she thought her daughter was starting to say Mama and Dada and i said, Great! She'll be chatting away before you know it. Now i of course ment that as an encouraging statement but immediatly wanted to hit myself as the look on her face was kind of sad and i remember all those people telling me things like that and how i felt like i was stupid and my concerns wernt valid.
We are meeting up next week so i will see if i can get her to open up a bit.
On a smug note.. (yes i am pathetic) we saw my old un-helpful doctor this morning and she suddenly says all concerned "How are you, are you limping?" and i replied "Oh yes, Im well thank you and how are you?" and she just gave me a funny look, and then she suddenly seemed all concerned about jaiden who had picked up a toy aeroplane and was holding it over his head spinning the propella repeatedly and said "How is he doing?" "Im like he is doing great." Again with the odd look - i figure she didnt care when i was concerned so now that there are some slightly more obvious signs why should i give her the time of day?
Oh and Jai got his shoes. They are extra special cause they have spiderman on them!
So now the entire local shopping center have been shown and made to say "wow arnt you lucky!" He is fairly content, except somewhere along the way he convinced himself that he was getting a new watch too (like hell i am going through that obsession again!) and so every so often he screams, falls to the floor adn sobs "MY WATCH!!!!" Its actually quite funny. Better to laugh than cry i suppose...
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Monday, May 26, 2008
oh for the love of... footwear...
I have an on going battle with Jaidens feet, he has quite short feet that are exceptionally wide and finding shoes is difficult. I am currently having to replace them on a monthly basis as he rips the velcro fasteners off because he pulls it so tight, and shoe laces are not an option. He also scuffs his feet as he walks putting holes in the toes and then he picks them apart with his fingers!
So just before, Jaiden runs into the room from the backyard and starts jumping on the couch - he says "mum can you buy me new shoes?" I reply "Yes Jai, on thursday remember? Now hop off the couch" And he bursts into tears, "No NOT THURSDAY, I need new shoes NOW!" ~still jumping~ So i say "Jaiden, we have talked about this, we will get the shoes on Thursday" So he screams at me "NOW!", I say "NO!" and then says "But these ones have dog poo on!!". Me: "GET OFF THE COUCH!!!!"
sigh...
Jai: I have new shoes when Liams picked up?
me: No, thursday.
Jai: Is it thursday?
Me: No its Tuesday. Thursday is in two sleeps.
Jai: ~screaming~ BUT I want it THURSDAY now!!
Me: Jaiden Stop.
Jai: sorry mum. Can i have new shoes now?
AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh
He is STILL GOING ON ABOUT IT.
So just before, Jaiden runs into the room from the backyard and starts jumping on the couch - he says "mum can you buy me new shoes?" I reply "Yes Jai, on thursday remember? Now hop off the couch" And he bursts into tears, "No NOT THURSDAY, I need new shoes NOW!" ~still jumping~ So i say "Jaiden, we have talked about this, we will get the shoes on Thursday" So he screams at me "NOW!", I say "NO!" and then says "But these ones have dog poo on!!". Me: "GET OFF THE COUCH!!!!"
sigh...
Jai: I have new shoes when Liams picked up?
me: No, thursday.
Jai: Is it thursday?
Me: No its Tuesday. Thursday is in two sleeps.
Jai: ~screaming~ BUT I want it THURSDAY now!!
Me: Jaiden Stop.
Jai: sorry mum. Can i have new shoes now?
AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh
He is STILL GOING ON ABOUT IT.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Business Proposal....
Holger and i were taken out to dinner last night by some friends of ours, we went to a nice little restaurant in the city and dined and chatted all child free. It was rather pleasent! During the evening our friends started talking about the restaurant we were in and told us that they are planning on buying it! They then asked us if we would be interested in going into partnership with them!!
So we have rather alot to think about... The price is fair and the business is running at a good profit, we both have kids and understand they take 1st priority.. however, I have no hospitality experience what so ever and i would be the one working there, i am also ridiculously clumsy (think Susan from Desperate Housewives)and i have been sick and am quite likely to get sicker... I have a feeling that this could be a great oppertunity and as was pointed out to me they are already running at a profit now and the owner doesnt work in there, my friends Hubby would run the place, he has been managing cafes and restaurants his whole working life, so if worst came to worst i wouldnt have to work.
Oh i dont know... big decisions... any opinions would be greatfully accepted!!
So we have rather alot to think about... The price is fair and the business is running at a good profit, we both have kids and understand they take 1st priority.. however, I have no hospitality experience what so ever and i would be the one working there, i am also ridiculously clumsy (think Susan from Desperate Housewives)and i have been sick and am quite likely to get sicker... I have a feeling that this could be a great oppertunity and as was pointed out to me they are already running at a profit now and the owner doesnt work in there, my friends Hubby would run the place, he has been managing cafes and restaurants his whole working life, so if worst came to worst i wouldnt have to work.
Oh i dont know... big decisions... any opinions would be greatfully accepted!!
Thursday, May 15, 2008
AWESOME OBSESSION!!
Ok. Jai always has his obsessions they generally come and go over a period of several months and get replaced with another.
We have hit on what i can only describe as the best obsession ever!
Letters. as in ABCs.
He wants to know what every letter is, he trys to make letter shapes out of what ever he is doing at the time (eating spaghetti for example -makes a J) he is trying to write all the letters - in no particular order (doesnt know his ABC song quite right yet)and he IS REMEMBERING them!!! Oh this is SO MUCH better than the spider obsession, which i was getting very sick of. He wrote his name awhile ago. then that was it. nothing. now BANG! So of course i am grabbing this with both hands and praying that this lasts long enough to get at least what every letter looks like and the phonetic sound to it!
Yay! im so excited :)
We have hit on what i can only describe as the best obsession ever!
Letters. as in ABCs.
He wants to know what every letter is, he trys to make letter shapes out of what ever he is doing at the time (eating spaghetti for example -makes a J) he is trying to write all the letters - in no particular order (doesnt know his ABC song quite right yet)and he IS REMEMBERING them!!! Oh this is SO MUCH better than the spider obsession, which i was getting very sick of. He wrote his name awhile ago. then that was it. nothing. now BANG! So of course i am grabbing this with both hands and praying that this lasts long enough to get at least what every letter looks like and the phonetic sound to it!
Yay! im so excited :)
Monday, May 5, 2008
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
So forward we will go, beneath the stars and below the heavens, across country and fearing of nothing but ourselves.
Hell is not so much a place we will go when we die, but a place we create for our living selves. Our deepest regrets, greatest fears and darkest secrets lie there. We are fearful of our own wrong doing, I feel that Hell is comprised mostly of Guilt. Guilt of being a bad wife, bad mother, bad friend, bad lover, whatever we secretly or openly wish we had done better – the fear of dying and being confronted with that darkness is something that some of us use to better ourselves and try harder during there time on earth, while others try to suppress and confess to get through.
If I were to die tomorrow, I would die happy. I have done the things that I want to do and I have no burning goals, no “bucket list” that makes me fear death. I think in many ways I fear Hell. Life hell that is, the constant reminder of the things I regret, the things I cant change and the things I chose not to. I look at my sons smiling brightly so innocent and so free, I look at them and wonder what my influence will be as they grow, will I always be a source of inspiration, will I be loved or will I become hated, or worse a burden. I feel so much guilt for what I have already done, or have not done, what I could have done better or could I have prevented. If those drinks I had before I found out I was pregnant are the cause of the difficulties my second born has endured and will probably continue to endure for the rest of his life…
Questions I suppose I will never fully understand and probably never know the answers to until I can stand face to face with God.
While I wait for that day to come I ask this.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
So forward we will go, beneath the stars and below the heavens, across country and fearing of nothing but ourselves.
Hell is not so much a place we will go when we die, but a place we create for our living selves. Our deepest regrets, greatest fears and darkest secrets lie there. We are fearful of our own wrong doing, I feel that Hell is comprised mostly of Guilt. Guilt of being a bad wife, bad mother, bad friend, bad lover, whatever we secretly or openly wish we had done better – the fear of dying and being confronted with that darkness is something that some of us use to better ourselves and try harder during there time on earth, while others try to suppress and confess to get through.
If I were to die tomorrow, I would die happy. I have done the things that I want to do and I have no burning goals, no “bucket list” that makes me fear death. I think in many ways I fear Hell. Life hell that is, the constant reminder of the things I regret, the things I cant change and the things I chose not to. I look at my sons smiling brightly so innocent and so free, I look at them and wonder what my influence will be as they grow, will I always be a source of inspiration, will I be loved or will I become hated, or worse a burden. I feel so much guilt for what I have already done, or have not done, what I could have done better or could I have prevented. If those drinks I had before I found out I was pregnant are the cause of the difficulties my second born has endured and will probably continue to endure for the rest of his life…
Questions I suppose I will never fully understand and probably never know the answers to until I can stand face to face with God.
While I wait for that day to come I ask this.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
life goes on....
Well, i really have been slack with the blogging!!
So Therese finally had her baby on Anzac day which we all found amusing as Mummy is an Aussie and Daddy is a New Zealander so we figure baby Jake just wanted to make both sides of the family happy! LOL another plus is although there is alot of sadness surrounding that day his birthday will always be a public holiday and should include a long weekend to have a great party!
So despite the babies babies everywhere i find myself holding them and feeling suprisingly un-clucky. Ive done my dash and im at peace with it.
Jaiden is carrying on as normal - his behaviour has been a bit unpredictable of late this afternoon he ran outside and less than two minutes later Lachie comes running in saying "Jai done a poo!" so i went to investigate thinking he might have had an accident but no. he had snuck around the side of the house where the clam shell sandpit has been hibernating waiting for a sand refill and done a great big poo in it. Other toileting dramas include suddenly dropping his dacks in public and doing a wee and recently weeing in the corner of his bedroom. I am at a loss to why this behaviour has happened - he is fully aware of the rules and knows it is wrong, i dont think he is after attention because he will try and hide it. Sigh....
On the bright side his fear of noises seems to have disapeared over night - we went and watched a local fireworks display and he loved it, didnt even cover his ears (though we were a good distance away) - His sudden interest in letters and numbers has sparked me to push him quite a bit while he is on a "learning burst" and he can recognize all numbers 1 to 9 and he can recognise heaps of different letters of the alphabet - some he says the letter name and some he says the sound, its great! Lachie startled me yesterday, he was scribbling on a bit of paper and then held the pen and made a purposeful "L" and then said 'L for Lachie' I guess although i havnt been showing him directly he is always there when i am doing work with Jaiden so he has been silently absorbing it - i was mostly impressed at the pen control since he generally only scribbles.
I got some of my blood test results back which apparently indicate something called: 'chronic sensory-motor peripheral neuropathy' which from what i have read i would rather have MS (and MS is certainly easier to say when people ask what is wrong with you!)
So getting a little anxious about that and its still along way until August and the Neuro appointment. I shouldnt dwell on it - i cant change it anyway, but i have been having alot more problems with bad stiffness in my legs and the weakness in my left side has gotten markedly worse. I have been having days where i have almost wanted to go and buy a cane to help me walk around, luckily for any longer trips to shops etc i have Lachies stroller to lean on. I have decided to amend the doorway sizes in the plans for re-modelling the house to accomedate a wheelchair incase this becomes part of my future, if not - there is nothing wrong with big doorways!
So Therese finally had her baby on Anzac day which we all found amusing as Mummy is an Aussie and Daddy is a New Zealander so we figure baby Jake just wanted to make both sides of the family happy! LOL another plus is although there is alot of sadness surrounding that day his birthday will always be a public holiday and should include a long weekend to have a great party!
So despite the babies babies everywhere i find myself holding them and feeling suprisingly un-clucky. Ive done my dash and im at peace with it.
Jaiden is carrying on as normal - his behaviour has been a bit unpredictable of late this afternoon he ran outside and less than two minutes later Lachie comes running in saying "Jai done a poo!" so i went to investigate thinking he might have had an accident but no. he had snuck around the side of the house where the clam shell sandpit has been hibernating waiting for a sand refill and done a great big poo in it. Other toileting dramas include suddenly dropping his dacks in public and doing a wee and recently weeing in the corner of his bedroom. I am at a loss to why this behaviour has happened - he is fully aware of the rules and knows it is wrong, i dont think he is after attention because he will try and hide it. Sigh....
On the bright side his fear of noises seems to have disapeared over night - we went and watched a local fireworks display and he loved it, didnt even cover his ears (though we were a good distance away) - His sudden interest in letters and numbers has sparked me to push him quite a bit while he is on a "learning burst" and he can recognize all numbers 1 to 9 and he can recognise heaps of different letters of the alphabet - some he says the letter name and some he says the sound, its great! Lachie startled me yesterday, he was scribbling on a bit of paper and then held the pen and made a purposeful "L" and then said 'L for Lachie' I guess although i havnt been showing him directly he is always there when i am doing work with Jaiden so he has been silently absorbing it - i was mostly impressed at the pen control since he generally only scribbles.
I got some of my blood test results back which apparently indicate something called: 'chronic sensory-motor peripheral neuropathy' which from what i have read i would rather have MS (and MS is certainly easier to say when people ask what is wrong with you!)
So getting a little anxious about that and its still along way until August and the Neuro appointment. I shouldnt dwell on it - i cant change it anyway, but i have been having alot more problems with bad stiffness in my legs and the weakness in my left side has gotten markedly worse. I have been having days where i have almost wanted to go and buy a cane to help me walk around, luckily for any longer trips to shops etc i have Lachies stroller to lean on. I have decided to amend the doorway sizes in the plans for re-modelling the house to accomedate a wheelchair incase this becomes part of my future, if not - there is nothing wrong with big doorways!
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