Aughh!
Jai is going through a phase of turning everything into something bad or spider related! Does anyone else have these problems?
Jai:Look mummy, i drew a cat!
Me: Oh wow sweety, thats beautiful!
Jai: and its got claws and it will SCRATCH YOU until you dead.
Me: Oh....
Me: Look Jai, here is your favourite car!
Jai: I like my car, it might squish you though... maybe it will squish the spider and the spider will be dead. Then it wont be dead after all and it will BITE me and i will be sick sick sick and dead ~imitates dying~.
Me: um...??
Jai: I wanna go to school
Me: you can go to school tomorrow!
Jai: I WANNA GO SEE MISS CLARKE NOWWWWW!!
Me: You get to see Miss Clarke tomorrow
Jai: Is she dead?
Me: No... she is at home today, you can see her tomorrow
Jai: ~starts making crying face~ but she will be dead tomorrow, cause the spider bite her!
Me: AUGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Monday, March 31, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Geneticist
A few of you asked if Dr Morris ever got back to me, No, she hasnt - she is pretty busy and im not even a US resident so i suppose im probably not really a priority.
I did however, just get a letter from the Genetics Dept here stating that they have made us an appointment on the 19th of December (gotta love the waiting lists) and the letter also says that they have a new geneticist and she wishes to review Jaiden.
That was all there was to it so im not sure if she is reviewing all the patients or what - but perhaps she will give us some new clarity about Jai's case.
Meanwhile we had an IEP meeting and have decided to exit him out of EIU as he is enjoying the pre-school environment so much and fitting in really well, anxiety and behavioural issues doesnt seem to be an issue there, and there really isnt much to be gained from the EIU that cant be done at home with me.
Im glad because my Mondays and Tuesdays were basically consisting of running around like a headless chook and not really spending quality time with anyone!
I really must buy a new camera (i want to get a video + camera combo) so that i can put up videos of the kids, they are so funny!
I did however, just get a letter from the Genetics Dept here stating that they have made us an appointment on the 19th of December (gotta love the waiting lists) and the letter also says that they have a new geneticist and she wishes to review Jaiden.
That was all there was to it so im not sure if she is reviewing all the patients or what - but perhaps she will give us some new clarity about Jai's case.
Meanwhile we had an IEP meeting and have decided to exit him out of EIU as he is enjoying the pre-school environment so much and fitting in really well, anxiety and behavioural issues doesnt seem to be an issue there, and there really isnt much to be gained from the EIU that cant be done at home with me.
Im glad because my Mondays and Tuesdays were basically consisting of running around like a headless chook and not really spending quality time with anyone!
I really must buy a new camera (i want to get a video + camera combo) so that i can put up videos of the kids, they are so funny!
Monday, March 24, 2008
Limbo
I think i am living on a plateau.
The world passes by my feet without so much as stopping to say hello. The weeks roll past easter rolls past, i go through the motions, but have no particular feelings one way or another about anything much. I find myself enjoying my alone time more and more and having less and less tolerence for pretty much anyone else. I treasure those moments in my car when i am alone and in complete control of everything. I have fantasys of speeding my way through the streets with the police chasing me, and i get something from the knowledge that i can just simply drive into a tree. I wont, but i can. Dont get me wrong, im not suicidel or anything, just looking for some aspect of my life that i can control.
Moments come and go and i make a mental not to add some of these to my auto biography which is destined to stay in my mind forever re surfacing only as fuzzy edged pictures of long lost memories in those few moments before my death.
I spent so much time hell bent on finding a diagnosis for my son that when it all reached its long awaited anti climax i just stopped caring. I have a new found pseudo-acceptence for all things Jaiden, i try to concentrate on the small accomplishments and pretend the rest of life just isnt really happening, i am immune or perhaps simply numb to it, the small but significant differences between him and the rest of the 4yr old population are convieniently ignored and tears are pushed deep back into my throat and i quickly change the subject.
I have become increasingly aware of my habit of befriending other mothers of kids with "problems" the worse the problem the better - i think this is some sort of slighlty disturbing self-medication, it makes my kid look good. I realised this after spending 20min with a regular customer at work one afternoon, having a deep and meaningful about our children which resulted in us both crying and some rather bizarre looks (but no questions) from my boss and some other patrons, and a $4 bird toy sale.
I look at Jai as he sleeps, his large lips hanging slightly open and his puffy cased eyelids tightly shut flickering around in the midst of REM. I wonder what he dreams, i wonder how he feels, what he thinks of his life.
He is probably dreaming of running into the arms of a complete stranger and giving them a quick warning hug about impending doom from the series of redback spiders that seem invade his mind daily. No. He is more of a glass is half full kid, and the sooner i accept its me with the problem, not him, the better for everyone.
The world passes by my feet without so much as stopping to say hello. The weeks roll past easter rolls past, i go through the motions, but have no particular feelings one way or another about anything much. I find myself enjoying my alone time more and more and having less and less tolerence for pretty much anyone else. I treasure those moments in my car when i am alone and in complete control of everything. I have fantasys of speeding my way through the streets with the police chasing me, and i get something from the knowledge that i can just simply drive into a tree. I wont, but i can. Dont get me wrong, im not suicidel or anything, just looking for some aspect of my life that i can control.
Moments come and go and i make a mental not to add some of these to my auto biography which is destined to stay in my mind forever re surfacing only as fuzzy edged pictures of long lost memories in those few moments before my death.
I spent so much time hell bent on finding a diagnosis for my son that when it all reached its long awaited anti climax i just stopped caring. I have a new found pseudo-acceptence for all things Jaiden, i try to concentrate on the small accomplishments and pretend the rest of life just isnt really happening, i am immune or perhaps simply numb to it, the small but significant differences between him and the rest of the 4yr old population are convieniently ignored and tears are pushed deep back into my throat and i quickly change the subject.
I have become increasingly aware of my habit of befriending other mothers of kids with "problems" the worse the problem the better - i think this is some sort of slighlty disturbing self-medication, it makes my kid look good. I realised this after spending 20min with a regular customer at work one afternoon, having a deep and meaningful about our children which resulted in us both crying and some rather bizarre looks (but no questions) from my boss and some other patrons, and a $4 bird toy sale.
I look at Jai as he sleeps, his large lips hanging slightly open and his puffy cased eyelids tightly shut flickering around in the midst of REM. I wonder what he dreams, i wonder how he feels, what he thinks of his life.
He is probably dreaming of running into the arms of a complete stranger and giving them a quick warning hug about impending doom from the series of redback spiders that seem invade his mind daily. No. He is more of a glass is half full kid, and the sooner i accept its me with the problem, not him, the better for everyone.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
The Black Balloon
I was told about this movie by a friend with an Autistic son,
The trailer made me cry so i hate to think what i will be like when i watch the movie.
The trailer made me cry so i hate to think what i will be like when i watch the movie.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
WORLDS GREATEST SHAVE!
A good friend of mine Libby, will be doing the brave thing and shving her head to raise money for the Leukemia Foundation on Wednesday!
She has lovely long hair so this will be a massive change for her.
This is a link to her "shave page"
http://www.worldsgreatestshave.com/profile.php?id=402564
If anyone wants to post a comment to support her im sure she will be greatful!
We are planning to video it so hopefully i can stick it on You Tube for your viewing pleasure LOL
She has lovely long hair so this will be a massive change for her.
This is a link to her "shave page"
http://www.worldsgreatestshave.com/profile.php?id=402564
If anyone wants to post a comment to support her im sure she will be greatful!
We are planning to video it so hopefully i can stick it on You Tube for your viewing pleasure LOL
Thursday, March 6, 2008
I pushed my way throught the crowded primary school grounds watching children from all walks of life playing together, sharing, yelling at each other, spitting at and looking out for other kids around them. It suddenly dawned on me that these children are the future, the next prime minister, leading doctors, retail assistents, drug addicts and the homeless people of the next generation.
I remember when it was me at primary school,with my dreams of becoming a doctor and curing the world of all its ails. Then a mere decade ago it was me running around, suddenly an invincible teenager with nothing to do but prove how 'right' i was about everything, ditching school to hang out with a band and 'rock n rolling' to the wee hours of the morning whilst my mother thought i was tucked up nicely in bed at a friends house having a sleep over.
Doctor? Nah! Why study when i can just nick off down to the shops and not get caught doing it anyway?
In a way im glad i did my reckless teenage years the way i did, i learned alot and managed to survive, i learned to have a strong work ethic - you dont work, you dont have money, you dont eat and like hell you are going to move back in with your mother! And i have always seemed to have someone up there looking out for me. I met the man of my dreams young i got pregnant young, i married young and i bought a house young. I have watched my special needs child blossom before my eyes and amaze all his doctors and teachers. I have a full heart knowing in myself that he will be ok, not always up there with the others, but he will be OK.
I know i have already acomplished my lifes strongest goals, perhaps i had better make some new ones or be destined to aimlessly wander about the planet until my days run out.
I went to see a new doctor recently about my steadily declining health, a new doctor, strangly recommended to me by Jaidens new EIU teacher. A slightly odd man but very kind, he asked 1000 questions, utterly confused me and did some tests and ordered some more, never once giving me the impression he thought i was crazy. He spent the best part of an hour with me and promised me he will get to the bottom of this, for me and my children. He agrees with the suggestion of the neuro's assistent from long ago and feels this will likely be Multiple Sclerosis, although he going to do his best to disprove his own theory and find me a diagnosis that is less permenent and more manageable. I dragged my stiff legs out of his office and felt relieved that someone had taken the time to listen and actually wanted to help me.
Im heading off now to write myself a list. A list of my shortest term goals, those that i wish to achieve by sundown, clean the bathroom, vacuum the rug and hang out the washing.
I remember when it was me at primary school,with my dreams of becoming a doctor and curing the world of all its ails. Then a mere decade ago it was me running around, suddenly an invincible teenager with nothing to do but prove how 'right' i was about everything, ditching school to hang out with a band and 'rock n rolling' to the wee hours of the morning whilst my mother thought i was tucked up nicely in bed at a friends house having a sleep over.
Doctor? Nah! Why study when i can just nick off down to the shops and not get caught doing it anyway?
In a way im glad i did my reckless teenage years the way i did, i learned alot and managed to survive, i learned to have a strong work ethic - you dont work, you dont have money, you dont eat and like hell you are going to move back in with your mother! And i have always seemed to have someone up there looking out for me. I met the man of my dreams young i got pregnant young, i married young and i bought a house young. I have watched my special needs child blossom before my eyes and amaze all his doctors and teachers. I have a full heart knowing in myself that he will be ok, not always up there with the others, but he will be OK.
I know i have already acomplished my lifes strongest goals, perhaps i had better make some new ones or be destined to aimlessly wander about the planet until my days run out.
I went to see a new doctor recently about my steadily declining health, a new doctor, strangly recommended to me by Jaidens new EIU teacher. A slightly odd man but very kind, he asked 1000 questions, utterly confused me and did some tests and ordered some more, never once giving me the impression he thought i was crazy. He spent the best part of an hour with me and promised me he will get to the bottom of this, for me and my children. He agrees with the suggestion of the neuro's assistent from long ago and feels this will likely be Multiple Sclerosis, although he going to do his best to disprove his own theory and find me a diagnosis that is less permenent and more manageable. I dragged my stiff legs out of his office and felt relieved that someone had taken the time to listen and actually wanted to help me.
Im heading off now to write myself a list. A list of my shortest term goals, those that i wish to achieve by sundown, clean the bathroom, vacuum the rug and hang out the washing.
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