I spent the weekend with a close friend who had come to visit from Sydney, it was wonderful to see her and catch up again. Though, throughout her visit there was one thing that was nagging at me – the manner in which the word ‘retard’ just casually slipped off her tongue. “I dropped it, don’t mind me I’m just a retard.” “I forgot, I’m such a retard”. Things like that.
The miss use of the word made me cringe and I wanted to scream at her
“YOU are NOT a retard you are just bloody clumsy!! Show some respect”. I held it in because I am aware that a few short years ago I wouldn’t have blinked and in my naivety may have been guilty of the very same thing.
I realize that she doesn’t mean what she says as an insult in any way but it still hurts.
I guess I’d better get used to it.
I worry what impact this is going to have on Jaiden’s siblings as he grows, how often am I going to hear “oh, his brothers that retarded boy” and how is hearing these things going to effect Jaiden?
I hate that these kids are aware they are different, and I hate that there is nothing we can do to ‘fix’ it for them.
Liam is already aware Jaiden is a bit different, I don’t know if he just thinks its cause Jai is younger than him or if he senses it is something more. Liam talks to Jaiden in a different manner to the way he talks to other people – I hear him subconsciously simplify his sentences and he tends to show him things more than he describes them. Liam still gets frustrated with him, although usually this is if Jaiden destroys something of his rather than if he doesn’t understand what is being asked of him.
I just hope that when his brothers do start asking questions, I can answer them.
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I am actually so bad I caught myself today using that word when referring to myself...as wrong as I know it is and how much it hurts, I guess at time I just do not think.... It is not tht I do it often but never is best :)
While we were in Kentucky, we took the kids to an amusement park. Aaron, Michaela and I were standing in line waiting to get on a ride and the 20something year old kids in front of us were discussing another friend calling her a retard. Aaron just looked at me, his eyes said it all. He then asked if I thought Michaela would think they were talking about her. It breaks my heart that he feels he has to bear that weight on his shoulders---Williams Syndrome effects everyone in the family.
Of course, Michaela didn't hear a word of the conversations, she was too busy charming the teenage girls behind us!
Being in the medical field, I'm quite used to that word in a professional setting, but it is quickly becoming outdated, like many medical words do. It never was pretty to begin with...but neither was moron, idiot, etc. back in the day when they used them in a medical setting. It's just not an appropriate word to use in casual conversation, especially when it has so much power to hurt someone.
A lot of us used to use this word joking around...this is just one way out of a thousand our kids have made us better people, in my opinion.
One of my closest friends has used this word while talking to me and has not even batted an eye. First time, she was preg. and talking about the screening they do to check for Down syndrome. She says, "I'm worried, what will I do if the baby is retarded or something?" I was really shocked and had to catch my breath and then calmly said " I guess you'll deal with it like I do" And that kind of made her feel bad. Rightfully so. and the next time was just 2 days ago. I heard her baby, who is starting to try to talk, babbling over the phone. I told her that she sounded cute. She said " She sounds like a retard" And proceed to make a bunch of retard speaking sound affects. Ughhhh!! She probably felt bad after she hung up. I didn't say anything to her except that her baby sounded cute again. Caleb is Mentally retarded and has speech problems. I can't let it get to me though or I will go crazy on my best friend. It is just used so commonly that people don't even think twice about it. Even when they should.
I wonder when Jamie is going to start asking questions, too, about Clare. Right now, he just seems to accept that Clare needs a little more help doing stuff than most kids her age. I wish we were that young and innocent again.
Oh I correct people all of the time, even strangers in a store. Lol. I just explain that they should think more before using that word, because it could be hurtful. I personally do not use the word, it is difficult for me to, I guess like Nancy I also think it is outdate and inaccurate. I usually tell people Avery has cognitive deficiences, and may have a below average IQ, we won't know for a couple yrs.
xoxo
Amy
It is so commonplace over here - I hear it all the time. I think I hear it more now, because I am realizing now what the word entails. Friends and family use it in my presence, although one person said "I don't think of Brady as retarded" so using it, basically, doesn't mean him... whatever!!
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